


Sweet Revenge

by Action Kitty (Lyra_87), Lyra (Lyra_87)



Category: My Chemical Romance
Genre: Attempted Murder, Domestic Violence, Emotional Abuse, F/M, Murder, Psychopathology & Sociopathy, Rape, Sexual Tension
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-01-06
Updated: 2016-08-27
Packaged: 2018-01-07 18:33:22
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 16
Words: 33,641
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1123017
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lyra_87/pseuds/Action%20Kitty, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lyra_87/pseuds/Lyra
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Sarah met Michael, she thought she had met the perfect man. After years of abuse, and an attempted murder, Sarah finally escapes his grasp.</p><p>That is until he escapes from prison, with revenge on his mind.</p><p>Sarah's life is now in danger and when the law fails to protect her, she has no choice than to turn to the former brother in law she never met, who begrudgingly offers his help.</p><p>But does Sarah have a plan of her own?</p><p>After all, revenge is a dish best served iced cold.</p><p>*Edit* I was informed that the plot for this story is quite similar to another story, called Stoned Immaculate by an author Smooshy. So, I shall credit the author as inspiration, as I do recognise the name of the author (who was a great author) so I must have read the story at some stage over the years. I've googled the story and it wasn't to be found, only comments of people mentioning the story so it obviously existed, but I feel it is only right to credit now that it has been brought to my attention*</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter One

The purple stained water stood out in stark contrast against the white glistening tub she leaned over. Her eyes were shut tight, blocking the sight to avoid getting the water in her eyes. She held her breath to avoid accidently inhaling the water as it ran down her face in torrents. Her aching back was crying for relief against the current hunched position it was forced to take. After five minutes of this Sarah decided it was enough time for the dye to have rinsed out of her hair completely. With a groan she stood up, her back clicking with a sharp sound that surprised her. At twenty eight she would have thought she was too young to have clicking bones, but obviously not. With her right hand she wiped her eyes while her left hand reached out to grab a towel to dry her hair with. She made quick work of getting rid of the excess water with rough hands squeezing and pulling at her now black hair. It was a dramatic difference from her natural mousy brown hair, but having inherited her father’s dark eyebrows it looked more natural than her previous colour. She stood in front of the mirror over the sink, green eyes searching the reflection that stared back at her.

Eight years ago she had been happy with the girl that would look back at her. She had the same insecurities all girls that age had, but in spite of that she had the one thing that was lost to her now. The girl back then had hope. Now, the girl that stared back at her was a frightened woman that was fighting for her freedom, and her life. She lived each day in fear, looking over her shoulder with every step she took. She had no happiness, no peace. He had taken that away from her years ago, leaving her with a scarred body and a fractured soul that would never heal from the emotional scars he brutally inflicted on her. She almost wished she could turn back time so that he had never entered her life. Her daughter was the only reason she could never regret it. The emotional abuse, the beatings, rapes and attempted murder were all erased the moment she looked into her daughter’s eyes. He had been locked away for his crimes, never to see the light of day again. Now, he had escaped and she had no doubt he was out to get revenge. Her eyes were lifeless and filled with tears as she thought about the daughter she had sent away to Spain with her parents. It broke her heart to be apart from her but it was for Charlotte’s own protection. Neither of them would be safe. Not until he was gone.

Michael Way had to die, and she was the one who would pull the trigger.

**************************************************************************

_‘Members of the jury, have you reached a verdict?’_

_The Judge’s voice was calm and clear as he presided over the case. The gory details hadn’t affected him like it had affected the twelve men and women who had spent the last couple of weeks looking over the bloodied images that were the last physical evidence of the crimes that had been committed._

_‘We have your honour.’ The man stood tall and confident, ignoring the people who were watching him closely with rapt attention._

_‘On the count of First degree murder of Donna Way, how do you find the defendant?’_

_‘Guilty.’_

_‘On the count of first degree murder of Donald Way, how do you find the defendant?’_

_‘Guilty.’_

_‘On the count of first degree attempted murder of Sarah Logan, how do you find the defendant?’_

_‘Guilty.’_

_Sarah stopped listening after that. It was over. In her mind it was finally over. She sat in the court room with her parents and felt nothing but relief wash over her. It was mingling with the instinctive fear that gripped her at the sight of her husband. His back was turned to her, his mousy brown hair slightly longer than the last time she had seen him. During the two week trial he never once looked at her, except for the day she sat in the witness box. That day he had looked her in the eyes, his eyes vacant of emotion. He showed no guilt or remorse as she told the crowd about the years of domestic abuse she had suffered. She had told them in detail about the day he had raped and stabbed her when she finally found the courage to leave him.  
The missing pieces of his mysterious past were put together for her during those weeks. He had murdered his own parents in a fit of rage, fleeing the state of New Jersey before he could be arrested. His older brother had found the bodies two days later when he became concerned. That was how he had ended up in North Carolina, working in some café. He had changed his surname in that time to Lee, a name Sarah had been proud to take when they married. She had fallen in love from the moment he had given her his shy smile but, now when she looked at him she felt nothing but hate. Her contempt was evident on her face for all to see. She wished for nothing more than to see him suffer, like she had at his hands. She only wished she could be the one to do it._

That was why she found herself outside a small but well kept apartment complex in Trenton, New Jersey. She shuddered from the cold and her nerves as she stood outside the main door. She was about to press the buzzer marked ‘G. Way’ when a couple came out, opening the door. Her trembling hand grabbed the handle and kept it open with ease. She briskly walked to the elevator, stabbing every button she had to press with a vengeance. When she finally made it outside his door, she hesitated. She wondered whether she could really trust him. He may be a cop, but Mikey was still his brother. Something told her that he wasn’t like Mikey, that she could place her faith in him. The hatred in his eyes on the day of Mikey’s sentencing couldn’t be faked. There was no love left for his little brother. Mikey had taken the lives of his parents and had irrevocably changed his life. If anybody could understand how she felt, it was he. Feeling more determined in what she was about to do, she politely knocked on his door, her knuckles stinging slightly from the impact on the hard, blue door. She waited for a long drawn out minute, hearing a barking dog answer her knocking. The barking was met with a rough male voice, his words snapped in agitation and unclear to Sarah’s ears through the thick door between them. The fear and trepidation rose with every passing second. She was realising all too late that what she was about to do was ludicrous. Not only was it stupid, but also illegal. She took a step back, ready to run away and forget her crazy idea when the door was suddenly pulled opened, revealing the man she had come to see.

He had aged slightly in the five years since the one and only time she had seen him. His hazel eyes were similar to the man she hated with every fibre of her being, but their similarities ended there. He was smaller than his brother by two inches, and his black hair was in stark contrast to his pale complexion. His nose was small with a slight upturn at the end, nothing like Mikey’s straight, slightly larger nose. His frame was broader and lean. The confused expression on his face assured her that the hair change, combined with the contacts that changed her green eyes to a blue colour, had been successful in disguising her true identity.

‘Can I help you?’

She bit her lip, words struggling to leave her lips now she was face to face with the man who was pivotal to her plan.

‘My name is Sarah Logan. I don’t know if you-‘

‘I know who you are.’

His face hardened; his lips pursed and tense as the confusion left his eyes to be replaced with a cold, unfriendly stare. His body went rigid the moment her name was spoken, and the tone he used was short and hard. It was blatantly clear that he was not happy to see her. She knew she shouldn’t be surprised by his reaction. If he had greeted her with any sort of pleasantry she would have been astounded. She was a reminder of the person who had single-handedly destroyed his family and his reaction was understandable.

‘Can I come in?’ she asked, nervously checking over her shoulder. The sense of being watched was forever haunting her, leaving her in a permanent state of paranoia.

‘Look, I know why you’re here, but I can’t help you. If you need anything I suggest you get in contact with the guys in charge of the case.’

‘They’re dead, Gerard.’

‘That’s not my problem.’

He made to close the door but Sarah was quicker. She jammed her foot in the doorjamb, desperation pouring out of pore.

‘Please, you’re the only person who can help me. He’s going to come after me and this time I won’t make it out alive. Not unless you help me. Just hear me out, please! I know I don’t matter to you but your niece should. Once he’s done with me he’ll go after her.’

His reaction was instantaneous. His calculating gaze was focused on her face, taking her in. His expression was still hard, but his tensed muscles visibly softened under his light blue top. Her eyes pleaded with him to let her in, and with a defeated sigh he relented and opened the door wide.

‘You’ve got five minutes.’

He walked away from the door, storming down the hall without waiting for her to follow him in. She stepped inside and closed the door the second he moved from the door, her paranoia forcing her inside. She knew it was irrational, but just being in Gerard’s apartment made her feel safer than she felt in the last week. She walked down the small hallway, reaching the sitting room in a few strides. The room was large and screamed ‘bachelor pad’, with a fifty inch widescreen TV, three DVD cabinets, DVD and Blue Ray player and a surround sound system with three speakers strategically placed around the room. The couch was leather and comfortable looking, matching the two single seats that faced the TV. There, beside the couch sitting anxiously with ill concealed excitement, was a German shepherd. A whine of impatience came from the canine, who wanted nothing more than to be given free rein to jump on his new acquaintance.

‘Why are you here?’ Gerard bit out, extending no politeness to his former sister in law. In his mind he owed her nothing. He played no role in her past with Mikey, he was only unfortunate enough to read the file in the aftermath and hear the gruesome details during his trial. Seeing her was a source of internal distress for him. She reminded him of the monster that was his only living relative. He refused to acknowledge Mikey’s existence. The little boy who would borrow his comics and steal his tapes was dead and buried. Somewhere down the line Mikey had changed. Gerard didn’t notice that Mikey had gone down a dark path, and in his failure he had condemned his parents to their death. Mikey had escaped from justice for three years, and in that time he had done irrevocable damage to the young woman in front of him. Her hair was darker and her eyes lighter, but once that was stripped away he could see it was her. Her hunched stature and frightened eyes hadn’t changed in the years since Mikey’s imprisonment. She had suffered because of his failure as a brother. Her false confidence couldn’t hide the damage Mikey had done to her.

‘You heard that Mikey escaped from prison last week’ she stated, steady eyes boring into his.

‘Yes.’

‘My daughter and I went into the witness protection programme when Mikey was jailed. The media frenzy was intense, my picture was plastered all over the newspapers so the cops felt it was best for our protection to get new identities. For years I was told I was safe. I never heard anything from Mikey but I knew it wasn’t over. Mikey promised me he wouldn’t stop until I was dead, and Mikey kept his promises. Then last week I got a phone call saying he escaped, but that we shouldn’t worry. They said there was no way he could find us, that we would be given extra protection. Two days after Mikey’s escape the cops in charge of our case were murdered. The next morning there was a picture put through my letter box of our so called ‘safe house’. You know what the picture was? It was of Charlotte and me going grocery shopping a week before he got out. It was his way of showing me that the cop’s can’t protect me. He’s got somebody helping him Gerard, someone from inside the force.’

‘ I’m sorry Sarah but I don’t see what I can do to help you.’

‘The cops can’t protect me anymore. I need to learn to protect myself, and I need you to do it.’

His eyebrows creased a bemused expression on his face.

‘How am I supposed to do that?’

‘Mikey’s scared of you Gerard. All those year after he killed your parents he never went after you. I’m not going to ask what happened between you two, to be honest I don’t give a shit, but something tells me that you’re the closest thing to a safe house I have right now. You’re a detective, you’ve learned how to shoot and protect yourself. I need you to teach me for when he comes for me. I know it’s a big ask but right now you’re the only person I can trust.’

He scoffed, running a hand through his hair in disbelief.

‘What makes you think you can trust me? He’s my brother, why would I help you?’

‘Because you hate him just as much as I do.’

His eyes narrowed, anger lighting up behind his eyes.

‘He’s my brother.’

‘He killed your parents in cold blood. You became a cop because of what he did. I saw the way you looked at him at his trial. You hate him as much as I do.’

‘Even if you were right, what makes you think I would want to get involved in this? Mikey’s life is nothing to do with me. He’s nothing to do with me.’

Sarah reached into her back pocket, pulling out a crumpled photo. She handed the picture to Gerard, who took it with a steady hand. An indescribable expression appeared on his face as he finally looked at the niece he had never met. The girl in the picture was the image of Mikey, but with emerald green eyes instead of his hazel orbs.

‘She’s _his_ daughter, but she’s _your_ niece. She’s your family Gerard; she’s your flesh and blood. He tried to kill me when he found out I was pregnant. What do you think he’s going to do to her after he gets me? She’s innocent in all this Gerard. She deserves to live a life without fear.’

‘Where is she now?’

‘She’s with my parents in a safe place. But he found us once, what’s to stop him finding her again? She’s not safe until he’s gone. We both know that.’

Silence descended in the apartment. There was a tense silent battle of wills in their stare down. Sarah couldn’t afford to lose though. She wasn’t fighting for herself, and that gave her something to fight for. Her daughter’s freedom meant everything to her, and deep down inside she knew it meant something to Gerard too. They had never had a conversation before today, but he knew what she went through during the years she spent with Mikey. He knew the gruesome details. He had failed Mikey, a guilt that had stayed with him all these years. He couldn’t bear to carry any more weight on his shoulders. He wanted to send Sarah on her way and forget about this meeting, but he couldn’t. This was his chance to make up for the past.

‘Fine, I’ll help. I’ll keep you safe until he’s caught. ‘

Sarah let out a shaky breathe she never knew she was holding in.

‘Thank you’ she choked out, relief breaking through her emotional barrier.

‘On one condition; you listen to everything I tell you. What you’re asking is a big task. Mikey’s deranged, and just because you think he’s afraid of me doesn’t mean that he is. I’m putting my life on the line if I do this. I’ll teach you basic self defence in case something goes wrong. I know a safe place we can go until the cops catch up on him. There’s only so long he can stay hidden before he slips up.’

‘Anything you say.’ Sarah agreed breathlessly.

His gaze was intimidating, and eerily similar to the look Mikey used when he was about to vent his anger on her. She began to shake as long buried memories fought to rise to the surface. She had to look away, she needed to stay strong. She would have to adjust to Gerard and his similarities to Mikey. She had a plan she needed to execute, and Gerard was an important part of that plan.


	2. Chapter Two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey Guys,
> 
> I hope you enjoy this overdue update. Please comment if you like, or leave a Kudos. They make me feel warm and fuzzy inside. If you spot any mistakes, let me know. 
> 
> Lyra

_Eight Years Earlier_  
 __  
Sarah wasn’t the kind of girl who got ‘crushes’. She had fancied a few guys from afar, day dreaming various scenarios that ranged from sweet and fluffy to x rated porno material, but she had never truly invested herself in anyone else. While one or two had made her blush with their charm and looks on the rare occasion that one of them took a interest, but none had ever truly caught her eye. This guy was different though. As she sat in the campus coffee shop, sipping on her now cold tea, she realised this must be what a crush was. The fact that she blushed whenever he so much as looked in her direction, and her desire to spend all her study time in the place he worked as a barista, all coupled together to give her a good indication that this was what her high school friends had gone through. She had always snapped at them with disdain whenever they talked about their new guy of the week, blabbering on for an insane amount of time about a person they barely knew. At the age of twenty, and in her last year of college, she finally understood and sympathised with how they acted. This guy was on her mind far too often for her to dismiss it as nothing. He had only spoken a few words to her in the three weeks he had worked there, but she had clung on to each and every one of them.  
 __  
She wasn’t sure if it was the way he would smile at her whenever she ordered her tea that caused this new, exhilarating and completely overwhelming feeling. She wondered if maybe it was the way his brown hair curled slightly at the ends, and perfectly styled with just the right amount of gel to keep it in place. Perhaps it was the way his eyes seemed to light up whenever he saw her. Whatever it was, it had ensnared her in a trap; one that she couldn’t seem to escape from. Before his arrival to the coffee shop she would only stop in for her morning tea before heading to a day of lectures. She avoided the place on weekends, and never went in for a second cup. Now, she was helpless to stay away. It was pathetic and out of character, but she wanted to spend as much time in his vicinity as she possibly could. Instead of seeking sanctuary in her room to study, she studied in the coffee shop. Her studying was taking a steep slide downhill due to her constant distraction, but she couldn’t concentrate any better at home. At least when in the coffee shop she was forced to read the words in front of her to stop her from staring at him. She didn’t even know his name, but it didn’t matter. She was completely and utterly infatuated with him.  
 __  
She needed to pass the test tomorrow though, which is why her headphones were firmly stuck in her ears, blocking everything out in a last ditch effort to not fail. She had always been a high achiever, and she was determined not to let one silly crush affect her grades. All through high school she had been an ‘A’ grade student with a 4.0 average. Even now she was still top of her class. If she got anything less than an ‘A’ her life would fall apart. Her parents would flip if she was less than a perfect, high achieving student. Both of them were doctors, and had been disappointed when she chose to turn her talents to something other than medicine. Her interest lay in writing. She wanted to be a journalist much to her parents chagrin. They still had hope that she would change her mind, but she knew it would never happen. Blood just wasn’t on her list of favourite things. Her English class was piling a lot of reading material and comparative study essays, not to mention the constant tests one professor took joy in springing on the group with little prior warning. That was why she was still stuck in the café, away from the noise of the house she shared with five others. The background volume coffee shop was less grating on her nerves than the constant thumping music and loud chatter of her fellow housemates. She was able to drown out hustle and bustle in the shop, and focus on the pages of notes in front of her, praying it would be enough for her to pass the test that would count for twenty five per cent of her final grade. She was in panic mode, unable to concentrate on anything but the paper in front of her.  
 __  
Her studying was interrupted when her abandoned cup was taken away, only to be swiftly replaced by a steaming fresh ‘To Go’ cup. Her head, which was bowed in concentration, snapped up at the movement. She was astonished to see the nameless barista at her table, smiling at her. Her hands automatically flew to pull her headphones out of her ears, her mouth falling open in surprise.  
 __  
‘I didn’t order another cup’ the words tumbled out of her mouth, her tone unintentionally rude.  
 __  
‘I know, but it looked like you needed another one.’  
 __  
His voice was deep, smooth and silky, sending a pleasurable shiver up her spine. The lack of sound came to Sarah’s attention, a quick look around confirming that the place was now empty.  
 __  
‘Oh God, I didn’t realise what time it was’ she apologised, blushing when a glimpse at her watch informed her it was after the ten pm closing time.  
 __  
‘It’s alright. I’m not quite finished yet, I still have to count the till so you’re not holding me back.’  
 __  
‘Thanks’ she muttered shyly, suddenly aware that she was alone in the shop with him.  
 __  
‘No problem. It’s late, how are you getting home?’ He enquired, concern in his voice.  
 __  
‘I don’t live very far, I’ll just walk’ she explained while stuffing her notes into her messenger bag.  
 __  
‘It’s not safe to walk by yourself…if you want I could you home. It’ll only take ten minutes to count the cash and lock up.’  
 __  
The shy undertone in his confident words was endearing, especially when his flickered to the ground in embarrassment for a split second.  
 __  
‘That would be nice.’  
 __  
She didn’t know how her voice wasn’t shaking from nerves like the rest of her body was.  
 __  
‘Cool. Just give me a few minutes.’  
 __  
He walked over to the counter, leaving Sarah to finish packing her stuff with shaking hands and a racing heart. She watched him out of the corner if her eye as he opened the till and took all the cash out, his movements unhurried. Her stomach was in knots while he appeared to be calm and collected. She remained sitting while she waiting, pulling her phone out and flicking through her messages as though it would make her appear less awkward. When he finally came back to her, his coat was wrapped around him tightly.  
 __  
‘Are you ready?’  
 __  
She couldn’t form a reply in her flustered state; she barely managed to give him a nod. He led the way, holding the door for her and activating the alarm before finally locking the door.  
 __  
‘Do you live on campus?’  
 __  
‘No. I live in a house just off campus. It’s quiet close.’  
 __  
There was a moment of silence as they began their journey. Sarah bit her lip, wishing she could get over her social ineptness and make conversation like a normal person.  
 __  
‘So, what are you studying?’ he asked, picking up on her unease.  
 __  
‘I’m majoring in English at the moment, but I’m hoping to do journalism in grad school.’  
 __  
‘What kind of journalism?’  
 __  
‘I’m not sure yet. I wouldn’t mind music journalism maybe, or being a columnist. I’m not thinking too far ahead.’  
 __  
‘Sounds like a wise plan’ he teased playfully, flashing another shy smile at her.  
 __  
‘Let me guess, you’re one of those annoying well organised people. I bet you have a planner and everything.’  
 __  
‘ I don’t need a planner. I keep everything up here’ he pointed to his temple.  
 __  
Sarah laughed in spite of herself. He wasn’t as quiet as she first thought; he kept the conversation going, easing Sarah’s nerves. She couldn’t deny that he was certainly charming; he never let his heart stopping smile leave his face. She couldn’t take her eyes off him as they walked side by side. When they reached her house Sarah could feel disappointment rising from the pit of her stomach. She was finally talking to the guy who had held her attention for the last few weeks, and now she had to say goodbye. She just wished she had the courage to be more forward and ask him out. If he said no, she could just get over her infatuation. Fear of rejection crippled her. She may have been a confident person overall, but she wasn’t immune to the desire for self preservation.  
 __  
‘Thanks for walking me home.’  
 __  
‘You’re welcome. Maybe you’ll let me take you out for a drink tomorrow night as a thank you.’  
 __  
Her heart stopped beating in disbelief. Did he really just ask her out?  
 __  
‘I…I’d like that.’  
 __  
‘Meet me at the Coffee Shop at eight?’  
 __  
‘Sure.’  
 __  
She didn’t know how she was still able to talk, let alone breath.  
 __  
‘I’ll see you then’ he flashed a smile before he turned his back and started to trace his footsteps back in the direction they came. She watched him, her mind spinning from the shock and delight, when a thought came to her.  
 __  
‘Wait’ she called out, forcing h0im to stop and look back ‘You never told me your name.’  
 __  
‘It’s Michael.’  
 __  
‘I’m Sarah.’  
 __  
‘I know.’  
  
 _Her cheeks blushed as his smirk widened, his eyes taking in her form once more before he walked on._


	3. Chapter Three

Sarah sat on the edge of the couch, her nerves too unsettled to relax. The German Shepherd was sitting right in front of her, an occasional whine escaping its throat as he begged for attention from the woman who was staring into space. Her ears were strained, desperately trying to make sense of Gerard’s hushed words from the kitchen. He was pacing up and down, his back rigid and his movements filled with tension.  Her presence alone was causing him stress but she couldn’t let herself feel the sting of regret that was threatening to raise its head. Her own selfish motives aside, she was doing this for her daughter. In all the years she had suffered she had never asked for help for anyone. She had never contacted Gerard before to try and find out more about Michael, in the hopes that she could discover what had caused him to turn into such a monster. She had asked for nothing from him, and she wasn’t about to feel guilty for reaching out to him now, even if she was putting his life in danger. She knew he played a role in whatever trauma Michael had gone through. He couldn’t hide the guilt his felt; she had seen it in his eyes. She was giving him an opportunity to cleanse his soul and clean his slate. Of course, if he knew her plan there was no way he would help her, but it was necessary. Gerard was the closest guarantee to safety she had. Michael had never touched him, whether through fear or brotherly love she couldn’t fathom. It didn’t matter, either way it was important that she was taught to defend herself by someone who knew what they were doing.

“This is Detective Way, I need to speak to whoever’s in charge of the Michael Way case…yes, I’ll hold…”

Gerard deliberately turned his back to her. He needed to look away from the pathetic desperate figure that sat on his couch, right at the edge of the seat as though she questioned whether she should even be in his home. She was right to doubt her decision. She was making a mistake in coming to him for help. She had an ill conceived notion that he could protect her because he was a cop. Gerard wasn’t sure why Mikey hadn’t come near him yet but, he was certain that it wasn’t to do with fear. Mikey hated him, he was certain of that. One might argue that Mikey had every right to hate his brother but, it didn’t translate to fear like Sarah had fooled herself in believing. Fear was an emotion Mikey had no use for. No, Mikey wasn’t the brother who lived in fear. Gerard was done everything he could over the years to erase Mikey out of life, for one simple reason; Mikey terrified him.  He wasn’t the sweet little boy who looked up to his big brother anymore; he was a cold blooded killer who killed his own parents in a fit of rage.  Mikey had turned into someone that Gerard couldn’t predict or reach out to. He had read the files and the psychological evaluation, and it was with a sickened stomach that Gerard discovered that Mikey wasn’t detached from reality and the consequences of his actions like he had hoped. He wanted to believe that there was a reason for Mikey to turn into a monster, but the nauseating truth was Mikey simply didn’t care. He didn’t care that he had almost killed his unborn child and the woman he still claimed to love to this day. He felt no remorse for killing his own parents. He felt justified in all actions, and it made him even more dangerous and unpredictable. He refused to talk about his childhood, or explain what had been the trigger that led to his parents’ murders.  Gerard knew he would never find the answers to the questions he desperately needed to ask, so he made the choice to block Mikey and everything connected to him, out of his life. He had been quite successful at it until today. Everything in his being was telling him to kick her out of his apartment and forget about her. The six beers in his fridge would give him a helping hand in pushing her out of his memory along with any guilt that would be associated with turning his back on her. Then she pulled out the picture of her daughter, and he knew he couldn’t run and hide anymore. The little girl in the photo was the image of her father, and in that moment Gerard felt something tugging inside him. He couldn’t pinpoint what the emotion was but whatever it was, it was telling him that he had to help her. Sarah may not have been any concern of his, but the little girl with her father’s eyes was most definitely his concern. As Sarah had bluntly told him, Charlotte was his flesh and blood and the only remaining member of his family that he could help. He had let his parents and his brother down; now was his chance to make up for his past failures. If keeping Sarah safe was what it took then he’d have to suck it up.

“Detective Way, this is Detective Iero. How can I help you?”

“I was looking for an update on the Michael Way case” Gerard was straight to the point.

There was a pause on the other end of the phone, it was barely noticeable to the untrained ear but to Gerard it was like a loud siren call. It screamed of surprise and a hint of fear.

“May I ask what your interest in the case is Detective Way?”

“Michael Way is my brother, detective. He escaped a few days ago, have you gotten any leads on where he might be?”

“Your brother has managed to avoid detection so far unfortunately. We’re doing everything we can to retrieve him; it’s only a matter of time before we catch up with him. After five years in prison he’s bound to make a mistake, and soon. There’s no evidence that you’re a target at this stage if that’s your concern.”

“What about Ms. Logan?”

“I’m afraid I can’t give you any information on Ms Logan detective, I’m sure you understand.”

 They were unaware of her location, which was obvious by Iero’s vague reply. He sounded young, and according to the information Sarah gave him, he was probably new to the case. He wondered if the detective had even finished reading the file that had been thrown on his desk. After what had happened to his predecessors it was unlikely that anybody would be willing to take it on. Gerard felt a pang of sympathy for the man on the phone. He was probably thrown into the case and in way over his head. He wondered what lies would have been fed to him. Maybe he was told a promotion was in order if he could solve it.

“Of course I understand. Be sure to let me know if there’re any updates.”

“You’ll be the first to know, detective. If you hear from Way-“

“I’ll let you know.”

Gerard hung up abruptly, letting out a heavy sigh as he clenched his fist tightly. The fact that a rookie was in charge of Mikey’s case didn’t fill Gerard with any sense of hope or relief.  Mikey was dangerous and unpredictable; officers with twenty years experience couldn’t find him, and yet they believed a rookie could pull it off.  They were naïve and enthusiastic, but wasn’t enough to take on a killer like Mikey.

Sarah had listened to every word that had fallen from Gerard’s mouth, but she was none the wiser on what it was he was planning. His tone of voice hadn’t changed while on the phone, given her no indication on what was being said on the other end, or what he was thinking. His back was still turned to her, which Sarah guessed was deliberate on his part. She was thankful that Gerard didn’t reveal her location on the phone; Gerard may not believe Michael had someone on the force giving him information, but Sarah was positive of it. She knew full well just how charismatic and persuasive Michael could be when he wanted something. He could read people like a book, and he knew how to get what he wanted from them. He was the master of flattery and deception. Michael would make you feel like you were only person who mattered to him, that you could trust him with your heart and mind. He was a passionate speaker who was full of false sincerity and bashful smiles. That was how he had won her heart before he broke her spirit into a million little pieces. She was going to make him pay for it; she would bring him down to his knees before she ended his life. It was the least she deserved.

The German Shepherd gave a little cry before rushing from her side, running to his master in the hopes of getting some affection. She couldn’t blame the dog for being stressed in the tense atmosphere that filled the entire apartment. Gerard patted the dog on the head, earning a lick on the hand before he decided he needed more information from Sarah.

“Where have you been staying?”

‘The Westbury Hotel.”

“How long?”

“Just last night. I’ve been moving place to place for the last three days. I figured it’d be safer that way.”

“Have you been using your bank card at all?”

“No, I took money out the day before my parents took Charlotte away. I didn’t want to risk anyone finding out where I was.”

For a woman who was in fear for her life, Gerard had to admit her ability to think before she acted was impressive. He just hoped it would stay that way.

‘Where’re your bags?”

Sarah pointed to the large handbag at her feet. It was big enough to fit a few items of clothing and a few essentials, but nothing more. Gerard raised an eyebrow, slightly amused at how prepared she was.

“Good. I’m going to have to talk to my superior about taking time off. I’m due annual leave so it shouldn’t be a problem. I know a place where we can go and lay low. I’ll teach you how to fight, and maybe shoot a gun if I think you can be trusted with one. You asked me to keep you safe, and I’m going to do my best to keep my word. There’s no guarantee that Mikey won’t look for you there. If we go, we’ll be alone and isolated, if Mikey finds us there won’t be anyone to help us out. I’m one man, and there’s only so much I can do to help you. Right now, you’ve got a choice.  You can go back into police protection, where you’ll be safe. Mikey got lucky once, believe me when I say he won’t get a second shot so easily. It’s the safest option for you. If you come with me, you have to listen to every word I tell you. I’m not taking you there for a bonding session; I don’t want to know about your past with Mikey, and I certainly won’t be answering any of your questions. I’m doing this for your daughter, not for you. I’m not a counsellor, and I’m not going to be your friend. I don’t care if you need answers or closure, or whatever else you think you’re entitled to. You won’t be getting any of it from me. Is that understood?”

Sarah’s face was frozen in an emotionless expression, but underneath her skin she was filled with anger and indignation at his words. He wanted her gone, and he thought a few heartless words would deter her from what she wanted. She wasn’t so easily frightened, especially not after everything Michael had put her through. Venomous words bounced off her with little or no injury. She saw through his tough act for what it was; an act. She was intruding in the world he had created for himself, a world where his brother wasn’t a vicious killer. She wasn’t surprised by the slight aggression in his voice, but the familiar involuntary shiver of fear ran down her spine as it always did when she was confronted with anger. It was a response that would never leave her; some lessons could never be forgotten.

“I understand.”

Gerard kept his eyes focused on her, making her shift uncomfortably in her seat. He was searching for something, but whatever it was he didn’t seem to find it. She maintained eye contact with him, unwilling to be the first to break it. If you were the first to look away, you were the weaker one. Another lesson she had learned at the hands of Michael. Gerard was unfazed by her determined gaze.

“Okay. I’m going to talk to my superior now. Just…watch TV or something. Now that you’re here its best you don’t leave. I’ll make up the couch for you later.”

He didn’t wait for a response before nodding at her, pulling his phone out of his pocket and walking back to the kitchen.

“Gerard…”

He stopped, pivoting on the spot. His hazel eyes narrowed with curiosity, waiting for her to speak.

“Thank you for doing this.”

He couldn’t help the smirk that pulled at his lips.

“Don’t thank me yet sugar. Thank me when this is all over.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys,
> 
> I hope you enjoy. Feel free to leave a comment or a kudos if you want, they're awesome and they make my day!
> 
> Lyra


	4. Chapter Four

_Sarah was in a daze following her encounter with Michael.  She wondered if her encounter the night before was real, or a wild figment of her imagination. All her classes bled into one another and the test she had been worrying about didn’t seem important. She found herself wishing time would hurry up and slow down at the same time. She didn’t know how to feel about the date but the butterflies in her stomach didn’t help her in the slightest. The possibility that she was blowing the whole thing out of proportion was a thought that went through her mind every thirty seconds. It was only a coffee. There was nothing more implied, it was a simple ‘thank you’ coffee. Maybe he just wanted to make some new friends and thought she was a good candidate? What if he did indeed like her? Would she mess it up by saying something stupid and inappropriate? Maybe he would think she was dull and boring? She didn’t have any interesting stories, she had no real hobbies to speak of unless reading, listening to music and watching movies counted. She wasn't the most social of creatures and for the first time ever she was aware of it. She always made friends wherever she went but she never wanted to impress anyone before so it was an effortless task. Now that she was desperate to win Michael’s approval it made the situation more stressful. Little things like what she should wear, and suitable topics to talk about were now at the forefront of her mind. If he wasn’t into music and movies, what would they talk about? The thought of them sitting across from each other with nothing to talk about was horrifying. She wanted, no needed, for this to go well. Or at the very least she wanted to not embarrass herself._

_The hour long debate on what she should wear ended with her feeling relatively okay with the chosen outfit. It wasn’t anything special but she made sure to wear a nice pair of jeans and a cute jumper. She wasn’t going to dress up for a coffee but she wanted to be slightly more presentable than her normal ‘It’s too early for me to think about my outfit, so I’ll throw on whatever is the cleanest’ attire. She was coordinated. The ballerina shoes she wore were comfortable, even if they showed off her lack of height. She decided it was probably best if she left her hair down, in case she needed to hide the blush that would no doubt mar her cheeks at some stage during the date. She even put on a little make up, just to hide the zit that had popped up this morning for no reason. She was left with twenty minutes to wait before she needed to leave. It was a frustrating amount of time to be left with; it was too long to wait outside the coffee shop for him but it wasn’t enough to watch a TV show while she waited at home. The twenty minutes were used to pace around the kitchen aimlessly in an attempt to ease the twisted knot in her stomach. All the times she had scorned her friends for acting in such a childish way came back to her, and she was certain this was payback. She was twenty years old but she was shaking like a child on Christmas day._

_The nerves didn’t ease when she walked down the well trodden path to the coffee shop. Her headphones were turned up full volume, drowning out every noise on the way to meet Michael. She focused on the music, drowning in the heavy beats and lyrics as a form of distraction that was only mildly effective. She made it to the coffee shop right on time and smiled when she found Michael was already outside waiting for her.  He had a cigarette hanging loosely from his lips and in spite of her anti smoking stance, Sarah couldn’t deny it was an attractive sight. His normal work attire was gone; it was replaced with casual blue denim jeans and a black faux leather jacket. The top underneath was black but she she couldn’t make out if there was a design on it._

_“Hey” he greeted somewhat shyly when he finally saw her._

_“Hey” she couldn’t stop the smile that took control of her mouth when he dropped the cigarette to the ground and smiled at her. He looked amazing, and she couldn’t help but blush at the sight of him. She knew she was lucky that he had taken an interest in her. He was an extremely attractive guy who could probably get any girl he wanted. He could certainly get one that was prettier than her. He chose her though, and it meant the world to her. Even if the evening didn’t pan out as she hoped, it wouldn’t be a complete loss. She had gotten a date with one of the most handsome man she had ever laid eyes on. That was an accomplishment in itself._

_“How did your exam go?”_

_She could listen to his voice all day. Even the phone book would sound delicious if he read it out. It was the right kind of deep with a little rough edge to it._

_“It went okay…I think. I pretty sure I passed it at any rate.”_

_God, why did she say it like that? He probably thought she was conceited now, which was far from the truth. She knew she was smart academically but she didn’t rub it in people’s faces. She didn’t think she was better than anybody else because of it. She worked hard to get to the top of all her classes, it wasn’t a natural gift she could revel in. Anybody could do it if they put the right amount of time into it and worked hard enough. Two seconds into their date and she already embarrassed herself._

_“Glad to hear it. I know I said I’d take you for coffee, but they’re showing The Evil Dead movie on in the cinema a few blocks over and I was thinking we could go, if you want? It starts in fifteen minutes so we can make it.”_

_She tried to keep the look of fear off her face. She didn’t do horror movies. Everything about them terrified her, from the blood and guts to the edge of your seat suspense that ended with you screaming like an idiot in the middle of a packed theatre. It was her idea of hell and a sure way for her to end up humiliating herself.  She couldn’t tell him that though. It would make her seem like one of those ‘girly’ girls that she hated, or worse, like she was contrary and hard to please which wasn’t the case at all. He just happened to pick the one thing she didn’t want to do._

_“Sure, sounds like fun” she faked a smile, and followed him to what she was sure would be her one and only date with Michael. She wouldn’t be leaving the cinema with her dignity intact. The image of her landing on her butt on the sticky, popcorn covered floor of the cinema stuck in her mind, and she just prayed that it wouldn’t become a reality. He made more small talk on the way to, mostly about how he had a love of horror films from a very young age. She could hear the passion in his voice when he spoke and it was a major hobby for him. His brown eyes were bright and full of energy, the kind that was infectious. She felt herself calming down a little. She could make it through the movie, and if Michael’s enthusiasm was anything to go by maybe she would enjoy it.  It was nearly ten years since the last time she saw a horror movie; she wasn’t a scared child anymore. A lot of her fear was based on the perception of a young child who thought that the blood and violence were real.  Maybe now was a good time to revisit the genre with adult eyes that knew the blood was made of corn syrup and that the screams of terror were fake. Surely now it wouldn’t be seem so scary._

_“Two tickets for the Evil Dead please.” Michael asked when they finally got to the top of the queue._

_Sarah immediately fumbled in her bag, ready to grab her wallet to pay for her ticket when she felt a warm hand wrap her wrist._

_“Hey, it’s on me. I asked you out.”  His tone was a little stern, but the charming smile didn’t show any sign of offense._

_“At least let me pay for the popcorn or something?” She offered._

_“Nope.”_

_She rolled her eyes. He ordered a large popcorn to share and two drinks. He grinned excitedly when he saw two free seats at the back. Location had never been important for Sarah when going to the cinema, but according to Michael it was crucial to get as far back as possible._

_“The less dickheads you have behind you, the better” He whispered._

_They settled into their seats just as the movie started. Michael was engrossed from the very beginning. His eyes never seemed to leave the screen and Sarah was hoping it would remain that way. The movie started off innocently enough, and Sarah was lulled into a false sense of security. She was quickly reminded of why she hated horror movies._

_“Is she…”_

_“Getting raped by the trees? Yup” Michael finished the sentence, amused by Sarah’s wide eyed shock._

_“This is why I hate horrors” She groaned without thinking, forgetting that Michael could hear her. She suddenly felt his arm wrap around her, pulling her closer to him. She didn’t think twice about using his shoulder for a place to hide when the violence got too much._

_“I’ll keep you safe, don’t worry.”_

_That was the moment she fell in love. She looked into his warm brown eyes, and she knew he meant it. It was crazy to think that she could love someone she barely knew but she had always been told that you just ‘know’ when it happens to you. She never truly believed it until now.  The feel of his warm, dry lips on her confirmed it. It was sweet, gentle and everything she ever wanted in a kiss. When he pulled his lips away, he kept his arm around her tightly. She had never felt as safe as she did in his arms that night._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys,
> 
> Crappy chapter I know. It'll get better!
> 
> I hope you enjoyed .
> 
> Lyra


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here you go my dears. Sorry for the wait. Feedback is awesome!
> 
> Lyra

Two hours later Gerard didn’t see fit to return to the sitting room, leaving Sarah to sit awkwardly on his couch. She gave into the dog’s demands and gave him proper attention, which he lapped up greedily. He leaned against her legs and rested his head on her lap, giving her easy access to scratch his ears, which he seemed to enjoy. He was a huge animal, who could easily tackle anyone down to the ground if he wanted to. She saw the razor sharp teeth protrude slightly from his mouth and couldn’t help but imagine the damage he could do if he was so inclined. It was hard to believe him to be capable of it, though, when he sat beside her so calmly, occasionally licking her hand as though he were trying to calm her in his own canine way. On looks alone, he was a perfect guard dog. Nobody would want to fuck with an animal so large and vicious-looking. She wondered if his affection was his own way of showing her that he wasn’t as intimidating as he looked; he didn’t need to, though. Sarah was well aware of the fact that appearances were deceptive, and no indication of what laid underneath the surface and the secrets hidden.  

She put the TV on to drown out the silence that descended upon the room since Gerard’s hasty departure. She understood his reluctance to be around her, but it still stung to have it shoved in her face so blatantly. Solitude was something she had grown accustomed to, but being left to her own devices without direction didn’t sit well with her, nor did the lack of noise associated with it.  Silence was now an unbearable form of torture; in her mind, it was still associated with pain and punishment. Michael had loved to lock her away in the basement, in the dark, dank cold whenever she had made a mistake. If his dinner hadn't been ready on time, or his shirt hadn't been ironed to his standard, she was thrown down the stairs of their basement and left to wallow in the maddening silence and darkness while Michael went out to drink. She never knew how long she was left down there for; it had always felt like days, but more than likely had only been a matter of hours. Time was distorted in the basement when all she had was her thoughts to keep her company in the dark, cold silence. His return had been as much of a punishment as the solitary confinement. He was vicious when sober, and downright cruel when drunk. Alcohol made his inner demons come out, and they loved to play, namely with belts and any other implements that were readily available. To this day, she couldn’t sleep without a TV on in the background, or she’d suffer from panic attacks so bad that her chest would be in pain for days afterwards, along with a confused and upset Charlotte, who would always wake up every time and crawl into bed with her in an attempt to remind her that she was okay now.

She was suddenly grateful for the nameless dog’s company. The last couple of days had passed by in a blur while she organised her daughter’s ‘vacation’ with her parents and tracked Gerard down, which proved difficult when she knew so little about him. Now that she was left with nothing but her thoughts, the familiar sensation of something crawling under her skin returned,along with all the doubts and fears that she ignored when there was an immediate task at hand. For now, everything was working out exactly how she wanted, and all that she could do was wait and be patient.  She had gotten what she came for, but it still didn’t feel real to her. Nothing ever did anymore, except for her daughter. Sarah took a deep breath, her hand still idly scratching the dog’s ears, reminding herself that she had already achieved her main objective, even if things didn’t go her way from here on out. Charlotte was safe and out of the country, as were her parents. Michael would never find them now. He had no idea that her parents now owned a villa in the south of Spain; and even if he somehow managed to figure it out, his face was all over the national news stations and newspapers. There was no way that he could board a plane when he was on the run. It was a weight offher shoulders that Michael couldn’t touch them now. Her main distraction was gone, and now the only thing she had to fear was Michael finding her before she was ready. If she were truly honest with herself, she was terrified of him finding her, whether she was prepared or not. Michael had done unspeakable things to her that she would never forget. He was a monster with no fear and no empathy. He would kill her in a heartbeat if he had to, and she would be crazy if she didn’t find the thought petrifying. More than that, she feared what she was about to do; her soul was a harsh price to pay but she believed that her actions would be for the greater good. By killing one soulless creature, she would save many, including her daughter. She fought the bile rising in her stomach at the thought. She wasn’t a murderer; she valued human life but no one who knew Michael could count him as human anymore. The emptiness she had seen behind his eyes showed that there was nothing there that made him worthy of being called human. To be human denoted some shred of humanity, and his was long gone, if indeed he ever had it at all. He had faked it for so long that his act was convincing, but it was an act nonetheless. He had made her believe that he was sweet, kind, gentle and capable of love and respect. It had taken over a year for her to realise that she had fallen for the act of a psychotic, soulless killer. She still believed that there was good in him during the many years of abuse she suffered at his hands, unwilling to admit she had been duped so easily by a handsome face and flattering words. She believed that she could pull him back if she loved him more, if she tried to be a better wife. It was a lie she believed until the day he tried to kill her and their baby. That was the day that she finally saw Michael for the monster he was. He showed no remorse at any stage during the trial that followed afterwards. The only emotion that she had seen from him was anger as he was dragged away, and the unspoken threat of revenge was clear to see in his otherwise vacant eyes. She did her best to push her fears aside, curled her tired body on the couch and let sleep overtake her.

It hadn’t taken Gerard long to sort out the unexpected time off. Once word had gotten out about Mikey it had been anticipated that he might want to get away. Half an hour was all it took to get all the cases he was working on shifted onto someone else’s desk, and the obligatory ‘let me know if you need anything' speech that he was certain his boss had rehearsed. He wasn’t ready to back out and face Sarah, at least not tonight. She didn’t notice the eight pack of beer he took into his room with him, and he had no intention of leaving the confines of his room before he downed every last drop of each can. He wasn’t an alcoholic; he told himself that every week when he put his beer can trash out, which slowly became heavier to drag out over time. He didn’t need it to function. He didn’t let it affect his job, and he was damn good at what he did. It was only in the evenings, when his mind was racing over a new murder case that he had a can or three to unwind. It wasn’t the healthiest outlet for his stress, he was well aware of that, but it was a good coping mechanism and he wasn’t going to change it, especially not tonight. Sarah was a ghost he had long forgotten, along with her daughter. Their existence had been left to rot in his past, and he wished they had stayed right there. He couldn’t understand Sarah’s insistence that he should be the one to help her, and frankly he found her sense of entitlement was beyond arrogant. She was a rich kid from a good family who got screwed over in life, and she came to the conclusion that it was his problem, just because Mikey was his brother. He had read her file and gleamed enough information from it to get a pretty accurate picture of her personality. She had been a straight A student all through her academic years; she went to the best schools and had been a sorority girl to boot. Her life had been perfect until Mikey had wormed his way in and took away her future. Gerard was sympathetic, of course; he wasn’t heartless, but even during the trial he could see that she hadn’t been completely broken. The self righteous, determined, entitled attitude was still there underneath her anger,and it didn’t stick well with him. He had fought and struggled for everything in his life. He worked to be the best and every accomplishment he achieved was his own. He doubted Sarah could make such a claim. He hated the fact that he was even thinking about her, as all those thoughts inevitably led to the one person he never wanted to waste another second of his time on. Mikey was dead to him, and he had been living a peaceful existence under the pretence that Mikey didn’t exist. Even when the news of Mikey’s escape broke, he kept up the appearance of indifference in front of his colleagues, and made no changes to his life other than keeping his gun closer to hand when he walked alone.

Five cans in, he realised that he couldn’t avoid his body’s need to use the bathroom, and with only a slight stumble in his step he made the journey in record time. He was about to escape back into his room when a whine got his attention, followed by the unmistakable sound of a paw scraping the sitting room door. He opened the door, barely keeping upright when Bilbo pounced on him, whining to get outside to do his business. Bilbo ran to fetch his lead without prompting, eager to finally get out. Sarah was curled up on the couch, fast asleep with the TV blurring on full volume. Gerard quickly fetched a blanket for her, only feeling a little guilty for not being more attentive, before he switched the TV off and brought Bilbo outside. Gerard realised something was wrong the minute he entered the apartment. Bilbo pulled off his leash and ran to the sitting room door, whining and scratching to get inside. Gerard opened the door, mildly confused by the silhouette of Sarah clutching her knees and wheezing, clearly struggling to breathe in the dark. Gerard had seen enough panic attacks in his time for his reaction to become automatic. He raced to grab a paper bag stuffed in one of his kitchen drawers, and made short work of shoving the bag over Sarah’s face while trying to get her to calm down. Bilbo was licking her face, which she didn’t seem to notice in her current state. It took the best part of an hour to get her breathing back to normal. Her face was pale and tear stained by the time the paper bag was no longer needed. She looked a right mess with her dishevelled hair and now creased clothes.

“The bathroom is just down the hall if you want to clean up” Gerard offered.

Sarah waited for him to say more, but she gave up when he stood up and walked into his kitchen. She splashed some water on her face and took her contacts out, a difficult task when her hands were still shaking. She expected to see Gerard in the sitting room when she came back, but instead she only saw the dog, she thought she heard Gerard call him Bilboo, curled up in his large doggy bed in the corner of the room. Part of her wondered whether she’d been right to seek out Gerard’s help. The lack of empathy he displayed was eerily similar to his brother’s, sending a shiver of unease down her spine. She could only pray that time would dissolve his indifference to her.


	6. Chapter 6

_“You’re adorable when you blush, you know that?”_

_The words were unexpected_ _, and spoken with a sweet smile. Sarah couldn’t help but blush even harder in her shyness, her natural reaction no matter how many times Michael complimented her. They had been dating for a month now, and Sarah couldn’t be happier. When he wasn’t working (and she wasn’t studying) they spent all their time together. Sarah couldn’t believe it was possible to find someone as perfect as Michael, in every single way._

_He was a perfect gentleman at all times; he paid every time they went out, he held the door open for her everywhere they went, and he always told how good she looked whenever he saw her. It made her spin with delirious joy sometimes, and she wondered what she had done to deserve someone so amazing, perfect, handsome and just…perfect. They had done nothing more than kiss, and he never pushed for anything more. She was certain Michael was the one for her, but she wasn’t going to jump the gun_ _, and give him her virginity_ _, so soon. Yes, she was madly in love after a ridiculously short amount of time (something she hadn’t told anybody_ _, for fear of_ _\- admittedly_ _, rightly deserved_ _\- ridicule).If things went as she hoped, they would have plenty of time for that in the future. She knew it all sounded so crazy; the moment she saw him she felt an instant attraction, and after one date she knew she already in love. She would have scoffed if any of her friends had claimed the same thing, in fact she would have threatened to have them sent to a psych ward. She never thought she would ever fall under the same spell she had seen so many of her friends fall prey to. She wasn’t stupid enough to declare her love yet_ _, though. She wasn’t completely stupid and naive. As much as she trusted Michael, and dared to believe he felt the same about her too, she wasn’t going to deliberately put herself in a position where she could be taken advantage of by someone more experienced than her. She knew so little about him, and while she was certain it stemmed from his reserved nature_ _(rather than deliberate evasiveness_ _), it did put her on her guard. Not enough to stop her from falling even deeper for him, but just enough to keep her mind, and heart, in check. She was an intelligent girl; she knew that what she was feeling was down to chemicals and hormones, and the natural desire to find a mate. She didn’t believe in the notion of ‘true love’ on a spiritual level; she believed love was the result of attraction, pheromones and natural compatibility coming together in a way that caused the brain to ‘fall in love’. That didn’t invalidate love in her mind_ _, though_ _._ _In her mind_ _, it made the concept even more fascinating. Love wasn’t the result of predestined idea; it was the result of chance. That two people could meet, and all the elements needed for love to bloom come together to create something so wonderful_ _, was nothing short of miraculous._

_“Is that why you go out of your way to make me blush at every opportunity?” she teased._

_“One of the reasons_ _,” he smirked, taking a sip_ _from the Styrofoam cup filled with black coffee._

_“Are there more?”_

_“Of course there are_ _,_ _but they’re for me to know.”_

_Sarah rolled her eyes, not surprised by the response. She knew the mystery that was Michael Lee was all part of what attracted her to him. He was so open in some ways; he was affectionate, he loved to talk about history, literature and British culture. He could talk for hours about his favourite films, or comic books. She knew his favourite colour was green, he hated it when people dog eared book pages, and he disliked large crowds. He loved sushi and pizza, but he wasn’t overly fond of Chinese food. She knew his character traits, and the little things that made up the person he was. There was so much that she didn’t know_ _, though. He never talked about his family. He mentioned a brother once, in reference to a movie he had watched years ago, but she didn’t know his age, if he was younger or older, or if there were more Lee siblings. His parents were never spoken about or alluded to, and he rarely revealed anything about his childhood or teenage years. She gathered_ _that he came to North Carolina to get away from something; maybe he had made some bad choices in his short life, or maybe he just didn’t get along with his family. Whatever the reason was, it led to him being here with her, so she supposed it didn’t matter much. She didn’t care if he had a past; it was his present actions that mattered, and so far he was nothing short of amazing. Sometimes he was cryptic, sometimes he was open. It depended on what mood she got him in, but that was all part of Michael. They matched in some ways; she was far more open and readable, he was reserved and guarded; sometimes she would talk too much, and when she did he would give her a particular smile, one that let her knew he was ready to laugh at her and her running mouth. He never got annoyed over it; he found her open nature refreshing, or so he said, and he reassured her that he enjoyed listening to her, no matter what it was_ _that she was talking about. She knew it may not stay that way; time could turn her cute traits into annoying habits that drove him mad, but that was something only time would tell. For now, she was going to enjoy being with him, loving him, and bask in the glow of young optimism and anticipation for the future._

_“So, how was work today?” Sarah asked, taking a genuine interest in his day._

_“It was alright_ _._ _Same old_ _, same old_ _, really. Some stoner came in looking for ‘special brownies’_ _, and some guy got caught cheating on his girlfriend, so she threw a mug of coffee over him. It was kinda funny_ _, actually_ _,” Michael chuckled._

_“Shit_ _. I bet that hurt_ _,” Sarah giggled, wishing she’_ _d been there to see it_ _, instead of being stuck in class_ _at the time._

_“What about you_ _?_ _How were your classes?”_

_“Ugh, my American Lit professor was being a douche_ _, as per usual. We’ve got the weekend to read The Great Gatsby_ _, and write a two thousand word essay on how it portrays the American dream and social values of the nineteen twenties.”_

_“Guess that means I won’t be seeing you over the weekend_ _, then?”_

_Sarah felt guilty hearing the disappointment in his voice. She wanted to say that she would find the time to see him at some stage, but she knew it would be a lie. She may be lucky and pull an essay together in a few hours. More than likely, she would have to spend Saturday reading and making notes_ _, and Sunday writing the essay_

_“I don’t think so.”_

_“It’s okay. Maybe if you can_ _take a few hours break tomorrow night_ _, I can c_ _ome over with a pizza_ _, or something?”_

_Sarah couldn’t resist the urge to smile. Michael was always so keen to spend time with her, he made her feel so wanted and appreciated_ _, without being overbearing._

_“That sounds good. I’d like that.”_

_“Then you shall have it_ _,” he tried_ _, and failed_ _, to do a posh British accent._

_Sarah giggled, adoring the wide smile on his face. She could spend all day just staring at him, gazing into his brown eyes_ _, and admiring his dimples. He was almost too handsome, and it was startling that someone so attractive could be interested in her._

_“I love your laugh so much_ _,” he stated, not meaning anything by the statement_ _, but the ‘L’ word automatically made her heart race faster. She longed for the day he would use the word in a different context._

_“Okay, enough of the mushy stuff. We should totally go to the movies tonight_ _,” Sarah changed the subject, afraid of Michael picking up on her feelings._

_“I’ve no objections_ _,” Michael agreed, a knowing smile on his face_ _, as though he_ knew _what she was thinking._

_“We should go check the times_ _,” Sarah suggested, standing up and grabbing her cup._

_Michael followed suit, replacing the lid on his cup_ _, and grabbing Sarah’s unoccupied hand._

_“Your laugh isn’t the only thing I love about you_ _,” he whispered in her ear, not a trace of amusement in his voice. Sarah was speechless, her brain going on the fritz_ _, while it absorbed his words_ _, and deciphered the meaning behind them. Michael didn’t seem to expect a response; he only smiled indulgently and tugged her along, leaving her to_ _over_ _-think his words._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aaaww, isn't Michael a sweetie pie?
> 
> Thoughts and Feedback are awesome, and I hope you enjoyed the latest chapter!
> 
> Lyra


	7. Chapter 7

Sarah didn’t sleep much that night. Her chest hurt every time she took a breath, and Bilbo was determined to keep an eye on her, which meant he was licking her face every two seconds to make sure she was okay and no longer panicking. The couch had been barely comfortable before, when her body wasn’t aching, but now it was impossible to relax when her mind was running at ninety miles an hour, making her toss and turn with anxiety. She was beyond exhausted, confused and in need of some sort of reassurance that everything was going to be alright. That assurance was nowhere to be found, though, and she sorely missed her daughter right then, who had been a major source of comfort to her; once Charlotte was in her arms, her small hands stroking Sarah’s hair with a gentle touch, Sarah would instantly relax and let the fear and anxiety wash away during those precious moments. Sarah knew it was wrong to be dependent on a person for comfort, let alone a young child, who couldn’t understand why her mother would cling to her so tightly, and she felt the guilt keenly. She had nobody else, though; she was isolated from the world, in fear of revealing who she was, and bringing Michael right to her doorstep. It hadn’t mattered, though; Michael had come to her door anyway, and he always would, as long as he lived. Even if Michael were to disappear, she doubted that she would ever truly move on with her life. He had destroyed her ability to trust; not just in men, but in people. Her parents were the only two people she trusted in this world, but even her relationship with them had been fractured and frayed in the aftermath of everything that had happened with Michael.  They couldn’t forgive themselves for cutting her out of their lives when she had dropped out of college, and the pain still gnawed at their insides, to the point where contact was hard to maintain.  Her coming to Gerard was a big step; it was forcing her to place her trust in someone who had done nothing whatsoever to prove his worth to her. Maybe she was being a little careless, but now that Charlotte was safe, it was okay for her to take a calculated risk.  She drifted off to sleep eventually, which she didn’t realise until she was woken up by a slamming door. She leapt from the sofa, adrenaline and shock sending her body into flight mode.  Her heart was beating as wildly as it had the night before, accentuating the muscle pain from the panic attack only hours prior. A quick scan of the room revealed she was alone, and yet again the TV was off. It was an automatic habit to race over to the TV and switch it back on, her entire body shaking from the adrenaline overload and sudden alertness. She stood on front of the television, eyes shut tightly, and taking deep breaths, until the frantic panic ebbed into a more manageable mild unease.

Once she was more in control of herself, she became aware of the scent of coffee wafting into the sitting room. Her feet automatically followed her nose, treading lightly into the kitchen where an expensive-looking coffee maker took up an impressive amount of space on the counter beside the microwave. Grateful that Gerard had left some coffee in the pot for her, she rummaged through his kitchen cupboard to find a mug big enough to contain the amount of caffeine she needed to wake up and make it through the day on the ridiculously small amount of sleep she had gotten. She cussed when an opened packet of crackers fell out of the second cupboard she opened, dropping to the floor with a dull thud, and sending crackers flying across the floor. She sighed, rubbing a hand over her face irritably, and picked up the packet up with its remaining unharmed crackers, before going for the now dirty and contaminated broken pieces on the floor. She scooped the pieces in her hands, walking over to the bin to dump them in. She threw them in unceremoniously, almost missing the empty beer cans carelessly thrown in, in her tired state. She did a double take, realisation dawning on her. The familiar dread began to rise in her chest, but she breathed through the panic and rationalised the sight in front of her. It could have been a once off overindulgence, or he could have had friends over a couple of days ago. There was surely a good explanation for it, and she needed to learn not to panic at every little thing that reminded her of Michael. She let the bin close with a loud snap, before turning to the fridge to see if Gerard had any milk she could use for her coffee. She opened the fridge, her eyes widened at the cases of beer stacked neatly amongst the shelves. There was very little food otherwise; a few bits of essentials like butter, milk and cheese, but nothing that could make a meal.  She bit her lip, unable to push away the fear that she may have naively placed her trust, and her life, in the hands of an alcoholic.

Gerard had woken up after drinking two more cans, and a barely restorative amount of sleep. Bilbo had been whining, somehow managing to avoid waking Sarah, but gaining Gerard’s attention. He had realised that Bilbo was probably crying to get out, and be fed. He threw on his outfit from the day before, grabbed a clean pair of socks and his shoes, before exiting his room. He had groaned when Bilbo jumped on him the second he opened the door, leash already in his mouth. The light in the sitting room was ridiculously bright, and with an irritated glare, he saw the television was on yet again. He stormed over to the television and switched it back off, before going into the kitchen and turning on the coffee maker; making enough for two people, in case Sarah decided that she wanted some, whenever she woke up. He supposed he could be considerate when he wanted to be. He waited the agonising minutes it took for the coffee to brew, with an impatient Bilbo crying softly beside him, when he finished his meal, before he poured some in his travel mug, adding condensed milk and some Splenda to the cup. He closed the lid, and attached Bilbo’s leash to his collar, who very nearly detached Gerard’s arm from his socket in his excitement to get out. Gerard slammed the door behind him, his mood far from pleasant, which was partially Sarah’s fault anyway, so if she suffered a little from his foul temper, it would serve her right. He reluctantly took Bilbo for a proper walk, or rather Bilbo took him for a walk, uncharacteristically pulling on his leash with impatience, and ignoring Gerard’s attempts to rein him in. Gerard put it down to the dog’s overexcitement over their guest, who was causing nothing but havoc since she had showed up at his home unannounced and unwelcomed. He let himself wallow in his spiteful thoughts for a while, which mellowed in direct correlation to the amount of coffee in his system. He was almost pacified by the time he arrived back in the apartment building, and when he closed the door of his apartment it was with a far gentler shove than when he had left. He could hear the television was back on, which was far less annoying now that he was more alert and able to deal with trivial aggravating traits. He let Bilbo off his leash, who proceeded to charge his way into the sitting room, and a resounding squeal, followed by a thump, was heard from where Gerard stood in the hall. His entrance into the sitting room was met with the sight of Sarah on the floor, squirming under Bilbo, who was lying on top of Sarah and licking her face. Her attempts to push the dog off were futile; he was a hunk of beast, and even Gerard had a hard time controlling him if Bilbo was determined and using his full strength.

“Bilbo, off!” Gerard roared, sending the dog flying off Sarah’s tiny frame with a whimper of apology. Bilbo scurried off to his bed in the corner, lying down with his head hidden under his large paws.

“Did he hurt you?” he asked, watching Sarah scramble off the floor.

“No. He’s just heavy,” she replied a little breathlessly, rubbing her chest.

“Did you eat?” Gerard was eager to get going as soon as possible. She was dressed and showered, though, and he noticed that her eyes were back to their natural green colour.

“Eh…I found some cereal,” she muttered, not meeting his eyes. His observant eyes immediately spotted her nervous body language, in contrast to her confident and abrasive manner. It struck him as odd, but he didn’t question it. If she was subdued, then all the better for him.

“Good. We’re leaving in ten.Make sure you have everything!”

He didn’t wait for a reply; he went straight into his room, throwing in a few articles of clothing in a large duffle bag, along with his gun and ammunition. Next he raided the bathroom for his essentials, followed by the kitchen for his instant coffee, dog food, and a few cans, in case they didn’t make it to a supermarket by the time they got to their destination.

“You ready?” he barked, eyeing her behind his sunglasses. She had been rubbing Bilbo’s ears, slightly more relaxed. Her dark hair was flowing free, in contrast to her pale skin. Her clothes were non-descript, but he could see that she had a nice figure underneath them. He had to admit that she was a beautiful woman, even if she was infuriating beyond belief. She nodded and stood up, sparking Bilbo into action. He bounded over to his owner expectantly, sitting and waiting for Gerard to grab the leash.

“Where are we going?”

“A small cabin somewhere. That’s all you need to know,” Gerard replied tartly.

He grabbed Bilbo’s leash, leading the animal back out the front door. Sarah followed him, her icy glare almost cold enough to make Gerard shiver. He ignored it, locking the door behind him and guiding them to the car park. He unlocked the car, throwing his bag in the boot and settling Bilbo in the back seat. Sarah sat in the passenger seat, not paying attention to Gerard when he hopped in the driver seat and started the car.

“Is it a long drive?” she prayed it wasn’t, for both their sakes.

“It will be, if you don’t stop asking questions,” Gerard retorted monotonously.

Sarah rolled her eyes, slowly getting used to his unfeeling, sarcastic nature. She wondered what it was from their childhood that made the Way brothers so detached from their emotions. Michael had never spoken about his formative years, and she highly doubted Gerard would freely offer up the information to her. It wouldn’t stop her from trying, though; after all, they had a long journey ahead of them, and even a person as anti-social as Gerard would need some conversation eventually.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another instalment for my lovely readers. I hope you guys enjoyed it!
> 
> Lyra


	8. Chapter 8

_Sarah took a sip of her Malibu and coke, anxiously waiting for Michael to arrive. Classes had finished for spring break that day, and Sarah and her housemates had decided to throw a party before everybody went home. Well, everyone bar Sarah, that was. Sarah’s original plan had been to go home to see her parents, who she knew missed very much, and to meet up with her high school friends that she only saw when she was home.  She had been looking forward to it; she was close to her parents, being an only child, and she knew they loved it when she came home, even if it was for a few days. Her friends Clara and Elaine would be back for spring break too, and they had already planned trips to the mall and sleepovers, which would involve lots of gossip and illegal drinking. Her two best friends were in New York and Ohio respectively, and they never skipped the chance to meet up and act like the teenagers they once were.  Those plans had changed_ _, though._

_Michael had to work over the spring break, for the minority of students who would stay behind on campus to catch up on work, and the few professors who used the time to grade papers and finish other professor-like stuff they had to do. When she had told Michael about her original plan to go home, the loving smile on his face had fallen, twisting into a pained expression that made Sarah’s stomach twist with guilt over her thoughtlessness. She hadn’t thought about what he might be doing, or if he had any plans._

_“You could come with me?” Sarah asked, unsure if her parents would allow it, but the words came out like word vomit, eager to expel her guilt._

_“I have to work” Michael had replied tersely, his face a blank, neutral expression that only made Sarah feel worse._

_“I’ll miss you_ _,” she had told him, tears filling her eyes as the guilt grew. He had wrapped his arms around her then, comforting her with his warm embrace._

_“Then stay here_ _,” he whispered in her ear, his breath warm_ _, tickling her._

_Sarah snuggled into his warm body, resting her head on his shoulder as she thought about the possibility of staying. Her parents would be disappointed; hours earlier her mother_ _had been on the phone, talking about how she wanted the two of them to get nails done, and maybe get a massage too_ _, while they were at it. There was a new boutique her mother was raving about, with discounted designer clothes_ _; and her mother was eager to buy Sarah a new wardrobe for when she came home in the summer. Elaine and Clara would be upset too; they rarely saw each other, so one of them bailing, over a guy_ _, no less (even if said guy was deliciously handsome, witty, smart and giving her puppy dog eyes that enticed her to stay) was against their friend code. The reasonable, rational part of her knew that she should stick to her original plan, and see her friends and family. She_ _had been spending a lot of her free time with Michael, and a break was something that might do them good before they got annoyed with spending so much time together. But the way he was looking at her, with his big, pleading eyes, cuddled so close to her on the bench they were sitting on, and it was hard to remind herself that she was rushing in too quickly._

_“I’ll stay_ _,” the breathless words tumbled from her lips. His joyful smile was enough to make  up for the wrath she would probably receive._

_She decided to lie, to avoid answering questions about Michael, and to avoid the lectures. She made up some excuse about feeling unwell, feigning symptoms of a viral infection that had been going around the college campus. She felt dreadful when her mother began fussing over the phone, offering to come visit her and informing her daughter in a stern voice to ‘wrap up and drink plenty of fluids’ until it was out of her system. Her friends had been concerned too, and a little more suspicious of her sudden illness than her parents. They had let it go, though, and_ _insisted that Sarah would have to make it up to them when summer vacation came._

_It was crazy to think that it was only a matter of months before college was out for the summer, which would be Sarah’s last summer before her final undergrad year, which her parents stressed ‘was very important’, as though Sarah was aware that final year would shape what path she took. She needed to do well to get into the best post grad programme, and failure was not an option. Not for her, or her parents who were pumping money into her education. It wasn’t just the impending stress that was filling her with dread; it was the separation from Michael that had made the tears fall from her eyes when Clara informed her that they had two months left after spring break before summer. She couldn’t stand the idea of being apart from Michael for a week; how would she handle three months? Would they even stay together in the face of such a long separation? Th_ _e possibility_ _that they wouldn’t was enough to make her want to down her drinks with lightning speed, hoping the alcohol would erase the painful thought from her mind._

_She was dressed up nicely, in a pale blue light dress, that showed off her arms and legs. There was a tiniest hint of cleavage, and she was happy with how she looked. She looked classy, but not as slutty as some of the other girls currently inhabiting her house. Her makeup was light, but it highlighted her green eyes and creamy complexion. Michael had yet to see her done up before, so she was slightly nervous over what he would think of her. She looked better than normal, so she hoped he would be pleased with what he saw._

_“Wow, Sarah, you look amazing.”_

_Sarah pivoted sharply, barely managing to not spill her drink in fright._

_“Jeff! Hey, thanks for coming!” she smiled and immediately wrapped her arms around him._

_“Not at all! How did_ _it go with that assignment?” Jeff asked, his handsome smile lighting up his face.  He looked good in his tight jeans and black shirt, his hair styled messily._

_“I just about got it done. I spent all of last weekend slaving on it, I swear I was about to break my laptop. I think that assignment made me hate Fitzgerald.”_

_“I felt the same,” Jeff laughed, stepping closer into Sarah’s space. They were leaning against a wall, relaxed from the good atmosphere and the alcohol they were consuming. Sarah had always had a soft spot for Jeff, who was one of the first friends she had made when she moved into the dormitories in her first year. They were in a lot of the same classes, and had built up a casual, loose friendship. It was easy for Sarah to lose herself in their conversation, discussing their plans for after their undergraduate degree. She had forgotten about Michael, until she heard a throat clearing, taking Sarah’s attention away from Jeff. Her smile was instant when she saw Michael, who had dressed up in a pair of jeans and a nice shirt. She flung her arms around Michael with_ _out hesitation, delighted that he had finally shown up. She could feel he was tense, and his hug was awkward and cold. He pulled away quickly, barely glancing at her before he focused his gaze on Jeff._

_“Um, Michael, this is Jeff_ _._ _He’s in some of my class_ _es. Jeff, this is Michael.”_

_“Hey_ _, dude, nice to meet you. You work in the coffee shop, right_ _?”_

_“Right_ _,” Michael’s smile was tight. Nobody else would have noticed, but to Sar_ _ah_ _, it was blindingly obvious. He snaked an arm around her waist, pulling her close to him with a painfully tight hold. She could feel the anger radiating off him, and it was disconcerting to stand there, next to him, when she could sense there was something wrong. She had no idea what had annoyed him, but she was determined to find out before it ruined their evening._

_“Michael, do you want a drink?” she asked lightly, disguising her unease._

_“Sure_ _,” he replied._

_“I’ll see you later_ _,” she said to Jeff, who waved her off with a friendly smile._

_She took Michael’s hands, leading him into the kitchen_ _, where the alcohol was stocked. She let out a little gasp when he tightened his grip, so much so that she could feel her circulation beginning to cut off, making her hand tingle unpleasantly._

_“Michael, you’re hurting me_ _,” she whispered, a little frightened by the look in his eyes. The warmth and kindness she normally saw in his hazel eyes had disappeared, leaving them oddly vacant. It made her heart skip a beat_ _, in tandem with her stomach dropping. He didn’t listen to her_ _, though. He only walked on ahead of her, leading her outside into the utility room and locking the door behind them._

_“Michael, what’s wrong?” she asked, rubbing her aching hand and willing the tears in her eyes to not fall._

_“Is that what you do when I’m not around?”_

_“Do_ what _exactly?”she said, confused and angry by this sudden, expected side of Michael she was seeing._

_“I’m talking about you dressing up like a slut., flirting with any guy that pays you a bit of attention.”_

_Each word was like a slap in the face, stinging and humiliating her emotionally. The tears were no longer able to stay in place, instead they ran down her heated cheeks_

_“I’m not dressed like a slut. Have you seen the other girls here?”_

_“No. Unlike you, I don’t have eyes for anyone else. I don’t give a shit about them and how they dress. You’re_ my _girlfriend. Did you even look in the mirror before you came down? You think wearing a bit of makeup and showing off your legs and tits is going to make you more attractive, ‘cause_ _, believe me, it doesn’t. It only makes you look like a whore.”_

_Sarah was stunned by the vicious onslaught coming from his mouth. She opened her mouth to defend herself, but she was swiftly cut off by Michael._

_“As if that wasn’t enough, but to actually flaunt yourself in front of another man, as though you have no self_ _-respect for yourself, like you don’t have me? Do you think he could actually be interested in you, looking like that? The only thing on his mind was how to get in your panties. Would you have done it, huh? Would you have dropped them for him if he asked, huh? Where you waiting for a chance to sneak up to your bedroom? Maybe you were hoping I wouldn’t show up_ _, so you could act like the slut you’re dressed like.”_

_“What the hell is the matter with you? He’s a friend, Michael. A fucking friend I’ve had for the last three years. He has a girlfriend_ _, for fuck_ _'s sake, you son of a bitch!” she hissed._

_She hadn’t seen it coming when h_ _is palm landed against the side of her cheek. She stumbled from the impact, knocking out the air in her lungs in one swoop. The pain was surprisingly minimal, the physical pain at least. She clutched her cheek in shock,_ _unable to get her head around what had just happened._

_“Shit, Sarah, I’m sorry, I didn’t-_ _,”_

_“Leave_ _,” she told him monotonously. She didn’t want to hear the excuses that were about to come out of his mouth. She took a step towards the door, but was blocked when Michael grabbed her arm, preventing her from leaving._

_“Wait, Sarah, I’m sorry. I had a bad day, okay? I didn’t mean to hurt you.”_

_“I don’t care if you had a bad day. You don’t fucking hit your girlfriend because you ‘had a bad day’. I want you to leave.”_

_“Sarah, I’m sorry_ _,” he pleaded, tears suddenly leaking from his eyes. The anger in her chest started to dissipate at the sight of his tears, his face contorted with regret and pain._

_“It won’t happen again, I swear. I’m so fucking sorry, Sarah. Please don’t go. I just…I saw you with him, and I just got angry. I love you so fucking much, and I’m just afraid of losing you.”_

_Sarah shook her head, her heart and her mind in conflict with each other. Her head was telling her to walk out, right there, and forget about him. If he could hit her once, he could hit her again, or maybe worse. She had read stories about how domestic abuse victims got trapped in their relationships. She knew better than to forgive him. Her heart was breaking_ _, though, at the sight of him, crying and full of apologies. As angry as she was, as stupid as she knew it was, all she wanted to do was comfort him right the_ _n. She had never seen him cry, or seen him show any kind of vulnerability. He had made a mistake, something people do all the time. He hadn’t seriously hurt her. It wasn’t like he had beat her, and left her bruised and battered. She loved him, and looking into his eyes she could see he loved her too. Could she really walk away because of a lapse in judgement? She could see the remorse in his eyes; she could see how scared he was that she would walk away. He was suffering, standing there in front of her, shaking with fear and regret. Maybe the guilt he felt was punishment enough? Was one mistake enough to wipe out all the good times they had, and how in love they were? Up until the moment he had raised his hand to her, he had been perfect. He made her laugh, he cheered her up whenever she was upset or angry. He kissed her with so much love and passion, he took her breath away. They had even talked about taking the next step in their relationship; Sarah was certain Michael was the one, and she_ _was ready to give her virginity. She remembered the way he had kissed her when she told him she was still a virgin, instead of laughing at her like she_ _had thought he would. He had told her it made her even more perfect, and that he would wait until she was ready. She had been so happy that day, so sure that Michael really was the love of her life. Could she really forget all of that, forget all the plans she had been making in her head about their future, because of one incident?_

_“I swear it won’t happen again_ _,” Michael whispered, sensing the conflict going on behind her eyes. He gently tugged her closer to him, and when she didn’t resist, he pulled her into a hug. She believed him when he said he was sorry. She believed he wouldn’t hurt her again._

_“I love you_ _,” he whispered into her ear, with desperation, placing a gentle kiss on her cheek._

_“I love you too,” she said, closing her eyes and surrendering into his embrace, “You do anything like this again, and I’m gone. Understand?”_

_“Thank you_ _,” he breathed, kissing her lips, “I promise you won’t regret it.”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And so it begins... any thoughts?
> 
> Thanks to all of you who are still reading/subscribing/commenting. You guys are awesome.
> 
> Lyra


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys,
> 
> Hope you enjoy this update! 
> 
> Lyra

The silence in the car was deafening and stifling. The radio was humming softly in the background, but it did nothing to cover up the awkwardness in the car. Gerard had yet to say a word to her, and they’d been driving for three hours. Sarah had expected him to break at some point; human beings naturally sought out conversation with people they were going to be spending time with. Conversation meant getting to know a person, and knowledge was a way for people to build trust. It wasn’t as though there wasn’t anything for them to talk about; in fact, the elephant in the room was probably enough to fill days of conversation, without any other topics. Michael had hurt them both, and had ruined both their lives in unimaginable ways. He had ripped their families apart, and had left them with the tattered ruins to piece back together.

“Is it much longer?” Sarah tried to ease into conversation.

“Another six hours, I’d say. Depends on traffic.” Gerard didn’t take his eyes off the road as he responded monotonously. His lack of movement made Sarah wonder if he had, in fact, spoken, or if she had hallucinated in her desperation for some adult conversation, something she hadn’t had much of in years.

“Where is it we’re going exactly?”

Gerard sighed, finally looking at her with what she was sure was an irritated glare behind his large sunglasses. She expected him to tell her to keep quiet, or snap at her for rudely interrupting his own little world, when he turned his attention back to the world and pursed his lips.

“It’s a cabin that belonged to my grandparents, which was left to me in my parents’ will when they died. We used to spend summers here when I was growing up, but I haven’t been there since I was twelve.”

“How come?”

“I think that’s enough for now,” Gerard spoke behind gritted teeth.

Sarah unconsciously tried to put more distance between her and Gerard by scooting closer to the door when she noted how his knuckles were going white on the steering wheel, and how tightly set his jaw was. She suddenly wished she was sitting in the back seat with Bilbo, who was resting his head on his paws with a bored expression.

“Don’t do that!” Gerard muttered.

“What?”

“Act like I’m going to hurt you.”

“Maybe if you weren’t so aggressive-”

“Aggressive?”

“Yes, aggressive. You won’t answer any of my questions, you won’t look at me. If I so much as open my mouth, you look like you’re going to snap. After having a husband who beat me on a regular basis, excuse me for being a little uncomfortable around a guy who’s gripping the steering wheel like he’s trying not to hit something.”

“I’m nothing like Mikey.” He spat, and Sarah congratulated herself on hitting a nerve.

“Yeah, it sure looks like it.” She scoffed.

Gerard fell silent again, pursing his lips again and flexing his fingers around the wheel.Bilbo sat up and whined, drawing Sarah’s attention to the back seat. She reached out to pet him, frowning in anger and trying to stop herself from shaking, fearing she went too far. Bilbo whined again then gave a little bark. Gerard finally looked in his rear view mirror, and then groaned.

“Alright, buddy, I’ll pull over now.”

He pulled over and stopped the car, letting Bilbo out to relieve himself. Sarah debated whether she should take the opportunity to move to the back seat while the car wasn’t moving. Maybe it would look weird, but at least Bilbo wouldn’t glare at her like she was something beneath his paw. Gerard said he was nothing like Michael, yet all Sarah had seen so far was that he was just better at holding his temper back. She was glad she could see his temperament, though. Michael had hidden his for so long, she had fallen for him before she had seen it. By then, it had been too late. Maybe it was naïve, but she had no real fear of Gerard, though. He was more in control of himself, that much was blindingly obvious, even to her. It was an irrational instinctual habit of hers to shy away from anyone, male or female, who was showing signs of frustration. She would leave, if she felt truly afraid. In reality, she was more agitated by his general treatment of her than worried about his temper. He disliked her, and it was based on more than her association with Michael. She could sense it. She didn’t know what it was, or how much he knew about her, but there was something about her that got under his skin, and it obviously troubled him.

Gerard held Bilbo’s leash, eyes unfocused while Bilbo did his thing on the side of the road. It was only three hours into their journey, and he was already losing his cool. Of course, the comparison to Mikey didn’t help, and it forced him to evaluate the merit of her accusation. He couldn’t deny that she was right about his general treatment of her. He wasn’t happy to have her around, and he wasn’t afraid to show it. He had valid reasons to not bend over backwards to make her feel like a wanted guest, when she was nothing more than an unwanted intrusion in his life. The truth of the matter was, he didn’t know how to react around her. He had barricaded him behind a wall of indifference to the world, focusing on his work and drinking his weekends away when he needed to. Sure, he’d go out and meet the odd chick to bring home for the night, but relationships were out of the question. He was terrified of what he’d be, from what he’d seen as a kid. He avoided relationships like a plague, and kept his socialising down to minimum. So, yes, maybe he had a way to go when it came to dealing with people, but comparing him to Mikey was a step too far, though. Mikey was deranged, a monster in every sense of the word, and it stung to have those words spoken to him. He had no way of responding to them in a calm, collected manner so he would just keep quiet. He wasn’t going to explain himself to her. If she wanted to believe the worst about him, it was all the better for him. Maybe she would ask to leave and give up her crazy idea of him being able to protect her somehow. He led Bilbo back into the car, slamming the door shut and getting back behind the driver’s seat. He glanced at Sarah, who was staring out the window with a determined glare that spoke volumes. She was ignoring him, and she wasn’t going to let him get to her either. He wondered how long her determination would last for, and he prayed it wouldn’t be for long.

Sarah kept quiet for the rest of the journey, unwilling to try to start a conversation again. Gerard didn’t want to be civil, and she wasn’t going to waste any more time cajoling him into being a decent human being. That would require compassion he obviously wasn’t willing to show. Instead, she thought about Charlotte, the only person in the world who meant something to her anymore, other than her parents. She thought about their parting, and willed the tears not to well up as the memory came to her mind with sharp clarity.

_“Mommy, why are we at the airport?”_

_Charlotte’s hand was gripping Sarah’s tightly, her wary eyes looking around the strange, crowded place. She stayed glued to Sarah’s side, walking in step with her mother who refused to let her fear and anguish show through._

_“There’s someone I want you_ _to meet. Two people_ _, actually.”_

_“Who, mommy?”_

_“Your grandparents.”_

_Charlotte’s untrusting expression gave way to a childish smile, one that was full of excitement. She had never met Sarah’s parents, but had always remained curious about them. She had asked_ _many times why they never visited, and why she was the only one in her class that had no grandparents that came by. It was necessary for Sarah to keep away from anyone associated with her past, and it included her parents. There was the odd phone call, but anything more was out of the question._

_“Yay!” Charlotte squealed with delight, jumping up and down excitedly._

_They had agreed to meet in the airport, for convenience and safety. The more crowded the meeting place, the less dangerous it was. They were likely to be unnoticed by the people rushing to get to their destination_ _s. They were to meet at the check in area, which was as far as Sarah could go without a ticket. They were already waiting when Sarah and Charlotte arrived, deep in whispered conversation_ _, and unaware of Sarah’s arrival._

_“Is that them?” Charlotte asked loudly, pointing at the middle aged couple._

_Charlotte’s excited voice boomed in the busy airport, loud enough to stop the couple in their tracks and look around for the source of the noise. Their sad smiles mirrored, and it was with cautious steps that they breeched the gap between them. Her mother was the first to make a move, pulling her daughter in_ _to a teary hug._

_“Hi_ _, mom_ _,” Sarah choked out, unable to fight the intensity of the moment._

_“Hi_ _, baby girl_ _,” her own mother rasped, clearly as emotional as Sarah._

_Her mother pulled away, shot her daughter a swift smile, before drawing her attention to the smallest person in the group._

_“And this must be my grandbaby.”_

_Charlotte giggled, and didn’t wait for an invitation before she let go of Sarah’s hand and engulfed her grandmother in a hug._

_“Hi_ _, dad_ _,” Sarah hugged her father, who didn’t speak for fear of crying while Charlotte got acquainted with her grandmother._

_“Are you coming to stay with us?” Charlotte asked, looking from her grandmother to her mother, unaware of what was about to happen._

_Sarah took in a deep breath and knelt down to face her daughter._

_“Baby, you’re going to go stay with your grandparents for a while. They have a lovely place in Spain. You know Spain, don’t you?”_

_“It’s in Europe!” she gasped._

_“Exactly_ _, baby. It’s sunny, and hot, and you’re gonna have so much fun with your grandparents.”_

_“Aren’t you coming_ _, mammy?”_

_“Not this time. There are some things I have to take care of_ _, baby.”_

_“Is it to do with the bad man everybody is talking about?”_

_Sarah’s eyes widened. She had been keeping Charlotte in the dark about what was happening, not wanting her daughter to live in fear_ _, like her mother. Or, she had tried to, at least. She thought about saying the obvious lie_ _, but she knew that it_ _was useless. Charlotte was more in tune with what was going on than she’_ _d anticipated, and lies were not going to be the answer._

_“Yes_ _, baby, but it’s nothing for you to worry about. I just want to know you’re safe, okay?”_

_“But I don’t want to go without you.”_

_“You have to_ _, baby. It’s only for a short while, okay? You’ll be back here before you know it.” Sarah cupped her daughter’s cheek to calm her down, in an effort to avoid a public meltdown._

_“No! I’m not going. I wanna stay with you!”_

_“Charlotte, listen to me_ _! You have to go_ _! This isn’t a discussion. So, I want you to promise me that you’ll listen to your grandparents and behave yourself_ _!”_

_“No!” Charlotte roared, throwing herself at Sarah and wrapping her arms around her mother’s neck with an oxygen_ _-depriving hold._

_“Charlotte, calm down_ _! It’s only for a short while. You’re gonna have fun with your grandparents.”_

_“I don’t want my grandparents_ _. I want YOU!” Charlotte sobbed, refusing to loosen her lock an Sarah._

_“I have to go now_ _, baby. I love you, okay? Mommy loves you_ _, and I’m gonna come back to you.”_

_“No! You’re not going, you’re not going_ _!”_

_Sarah looked up at her parents, beseeching them to help. Her mother wiped away silent tears while her father bent down to pick Charlotte up, who began to scream and lash out as Sarah untangled the child’s arms around her neck. Sarah gave her daughter one last kiss on the cheek._

_“We’ll take care of her_ _, Sarah_ _,” her mother promised._

_Sarah nodded, giving her mother a goodbye hug._

_“Mommy, don’t go! Don’t leave me_ _, mommy!” Charlotte screamed, holding her hands out for her mother_ _, while people stared at the commotion she created._

_“I’ll come back for you_ _, baby_ _. I promise.” Sarah whispered._

_“Sarah, just go_ _! She’ll calm down when you go.” Her father urged her._

_Sarah nodded, looking at her daughter one last time before she turned away. Her heart tore into a million pieces as Charlotte_ _'s screamed pleas followed her, ringing in her ears and causing her a pain she’_ _d never felt before._

The car came to a stop, bringing her out of her daydream. She realised with a flush of embarrassment that her cheeks were wet. She wiped them away quickly, unsure if Gerard had spotted her tears or not. She turned to face him, and though he acted like he hadn’t noticed, she could see his awkwardness in his body language.

“I’m going to pick up some stuff. You want anything?”

“Uh…no, I’m fine.”

“Okay. I won’t be long. Wait here!”

Gerard took the keys out of the engine, out of sheer habit, and made his way into the supermarket with a brisk pace. They were about a forty minute drive away from their destination, maybe a bit less, if Gerard really put his foot down on the accelerator. He was nearly out of gas, and he made a note to make sure he stopped by the gas station just down the road before he forgot. He picked up some essentials, then quickly stocked up on frozen foods and canned stuff, just in case they were stuck in the cabin for longer than planned. He had seen Sarah’s tears in the car, much to his awkwardness and guilt. He wasn’t sure what it was about, but he was certain that he had a hand in it. He didn’t want to feel guilty. She was a spoiled brat, who probably used tears to get people to do what she wanted. He wasn’t going to let her little show in the car get to him. He refused to ‘soften up’, just so she could feel better about intruding in his life. He threw the items into the cart with a careless impatience, except for the cases of beer he knew he’d need to get through the coming days, or weeks. He was eager to get to the cabin and down a few beers before he began their ‘training’ the following day.

The silence continued when he came back to the car, stopping for gas before they drove on for another forty minutes straight. Sarah was glad to be able to finally stretch her legs when the car parked outside a wooden cabin. It was only then that Sarah wondered if the place would have working electricity, and a useable shower. Gerard opened the boot, pulling out his duffle bag and a few grocery bags. Sarah picked up the rest and followed him to the door. There was a note taped to the door, along with a key. Gerard gave the note a quick read before unlocking the door.

Sarah was a little surprised to walk into a large open plan living room and kitchen area. The place was warm, and she could tell the central heating had been on recently. There was a modern television with a DVD player in the admittedly nicely decorated living room. She brought the bags into the Kitchen, where Bilbo was now eating out of a new plastic dog bowl and was overjoyed to see there was a microwave and a working fridge and freezer.

“I thought you hadn’t been here in years?” Sarah questioned, perplexed by how well-kept the place looked.

“It gets rented out, so an agency takes care of the place for a percentage cut of the rent. I called them yesterday to get it set up,” Gerard explained, not looking annoyed, for once, at her questioning.

He unpacked the groceries, leaving Sarah to explore the rest of the cabin. It was a three bedroom place, with a modern bathroom that brought a smile to Sarah’s face. When she went back into the kitchen, she was met with the sight of Gerard holding a beer.

“Do you want me to make something?” she asked.

“Knock yourself out,” he replied, taking a sip of beer and walking out of the kitchen.

“This is gonna be a lot of fun,” she muttered to herself.


	10. Chapter 10

_It had been a full month since ‘the incident’, as Sarah called it. It had been hard for Sarah to push it to the back of her mind at first_ _._ _Fear had kept it_ _at the forefront of her mind for days in anticipation of a repeat. Michael had apologised profusely for what_ _had happened, and he seemed to feel genuine remorse_ _, but she had been brought up to believe_ _that a man should never raise a hand to a woman, and vice versa. She had never even seen her parents argue with any sort of heat_ _; they were always calm and logical during any ‘disagreement’. He had been perfect ever since that day_ _, though. He had been more affectionate than ever, and was showering her with little gifts that made her heart thump widely in her chest cavity_ _, and her stomach flutter with excited butterflies that made her want to giggle in the most girly way possible. Week two after ‘the incident’, Sarah had almost forgotten about it. The Michael she had seen that night was like a completely different person. It was as though for those few minutes, Michael had ceased to exist_ _, and became someone else entirely, almost like a Jekyll and Hyde personality split._

_There had been a few subtle changes, little things that Sarah put down to Michael being more comfortable with her, comfortable enough to make comments that would cut her deeper every time he remarked on how her tops were too low cut_ _, or her jeans too tight, or if she was trying to impress someone else. He would rarely say it outright_ _, the way he had done at the party, instead he would question if that was what she wanted to wear, or he would say it with a look, when his eyes would roam her body from head to toe with a keen observant eye that would betray his disapproval over her choice of clothes. Her initial discomfort with his attitude had morphed into flattery that he was protective enough of her to care what others thought of her. Sure, it hurt like hell to see that look and have him question her choice of attire, and it was perhaps a bit misplaced, but she realised_ _that she was lucky to have a guy who obviously loved her enough to be jealous. She told herself_ _that it wasn’t that he didn’t trust her - he had to know_ _that she only had eyes for him, that she was absolutely crazy for him. He knew she had never had a boyfriend before_ _; surely that said it_ _, if her words and actions weren’t clear enough._

_He had taken her out to dinner that night. He had told her_ _that he wanted to spoil her, to do something special for just the two of them. They were already spending so much time together that she barely had time to keep up with her college work, but it never felt wrong to spend time with him, even when an assignment was due the next day. Other than the night of the party, she always remained safe and comfortable in his company_ _, and she craved the giddy excitement his presence induced, especially when she was the recipient of his heart-thumping inducing smile. Her regular meet_ _-ups with her friends had become almost nonexistent. It didn’t bother her in the slightest_ _, even though somewhere in the back of her mind she knew_ _that it should_ _have. She wanted to spend all her time with Michael, and she convinced herself_ _that it was perfectly normal when in the throes of a new relationship, especially one that was so important_ _, and had the real possibility of a future that included marriage and children. Her friends had all done similar things for less worthy men_ _,and she wasn’t going to feel guilty about it, no matter how many texts she got telling her that it wasn’t cool for her to ‘drop all her friends for a guy’, as Carla had accused in a text. It had stung_ _, but not enough to make her change her priorities. Michael was where her future lay, and as premature as it may have ben to think that way, she couldn’t ignore her heart telling her that Michael was the one who would father her children_ _, and grow old with her. She could see the big, suburban house with a white picket fence_ _, with a pet dog and cat_ _, to make them even more stereotypical._

_They still hadn’t taken the final step towards physical intimacy, but Sarah knew_ _that it would only be a matter of time. While she wasn’t a prude, it was a still a major step_ _, and one that she wasn’t quite ready for yet, which Michael seemed to understand. They had fooled around somewhat_ _, but it didn’t go beyond heavy petting. She wasn’t comfortable enough to open herself up that way, for various reasons. She was still self_ _-conscious of her body, and every faint silvery line that had etched itself permanently around her hips and breasts_ _, from when she had gone from no shape to developing hips and boobs in the space of a few months in her teenage years. She also had some on the top of her thighs, though they were harder to see. She had used oils to help reduce their appearance, and being young helped too, but the idea of Michael seeing them, of it changing how he saw her, made her want to avoid that step for as long as she could, even as she battled with her desire to be with him in that way. She loved his scent, and how warm he felt when he was pressed tightly against her. His hands were soft and whenever he touched her skin, it never ceased to make her breathing go haywire. She had hormones, and a deep attraction to him, and she knew that in time it would out_ _-win her fears._

_They were in her room, relaxed after consuming good food and a bottle of wine. Sarah was lucky enough to have her own room, something not a lot of college students had the luxury of. She wasn’t ashamed of the fact_ _that her parents had money, and while she had no intentions of living off her parents forever, she was glad that they were able to afford her the simple pleasure of her own space for her last couple of years of college. It was a tiny room, with just enough room for a wardrobe, single bed, and a desk where her laptop and books were resting on. The laptop was currently playing a movie they weren’t really watching, both of them too busy with each other’s lips. It had started out as a simple, innocent kind of kiss_ _, without tongue. There was no heavy breathing, no w_ _andering hands or whimpered moans. The tranquil atmosphere remained in place, enveloping Sarah in a cocoon of safety and peace as she lay in Michael’s arms. It stayed that way for a long while_ _;simple, easy and utterly comfortable. Michael then cupped her face, applying more pressure to her lips and gently nibbling on her lower lip. Sarah immediately complied with the unspoken request_ _, and parted her lips so his tongue could gain access to her mouth. His tongue was tentative at first, slowly gliding against hers without force or demand, while his long fingers ghosted a path from her cheeks, down her neck and hovered over her breast. The touch was so light that Sarah didn’t register it at first, and only became aware of it when he gave her breast a light squeeze. It brought a surprised gasp from her throat, which was muffled by Michael’s lips. His large hand was kneading her breast with a pressure that was just short of painful. The fine line made the touch all the more erotic, and it added an electric charge to the air. The sweetness Michael had radiated was now tainted, but in a good way. It made Sarah feel desirable, wanted, and like she was the only person Michael could see. The action was pushing her comfort zone, though he had done it before. They hadn’t gone beyond the heavy petting, and so far it had been enough for Michael. Sarah hadn’t felt any frustration from Michael yet when it came to the physical side of their relationship, or any pressure or coercion to take things further than Sarah was comfortable with._

_That was why it had come as a surprise when she was suddenly rolled onto her back without prior warning. His thin body was above her, trapping her between his arms in a way that felt claustrophobic. The previous relaxed atmosphere disappeared, and Sarah saw a look on Michael’s face_ _that she hadn’t noticed before. It wasn’t a sweet, loving look. It was one of desire, and lust, and now Sarah wondered if she had been naive to not see this coming. Of course he would move things along eventually. She took a calming breath, resisting the urge to push him off and stop things dead in their tracks. She opened her mouth to vocalise her discomfort over the unexpected change in direction, but Michael planted his mouth over hers before a sounds could escape. She squeaked when he ground his hips against hers, and felt his obvious excitement. Her hands flexed into fists, and her heart thumped painfully when his hands found her wrists and pinned them above her head. Her fear was impossible to contain anymore_ _, when his tongue trailed a path from her mouth, down her neck and began to suck at the sensitive skin just above her breasts._

_“Michael_ _,” she whined, biting her lip to restrain her tears_ _, which had begun to build in the corner of her eyes._

_He ignored her soft voice. He now held her two wrists in one of his hands, while the other hand had pulled down the material of her dress that covered her breasts, along with the lace cup of her bra_ _, so that his mouth could pay lavish attention to her now bare breast and nipple. If Sarah hadn’t been in a complete state of panic_ _, she would have enjoyed the feel of his tongue sweeping over the peak of her nipple, coaxing it to stand to attention._

_“Michael, stop_ _!” her voice choked up and came out as a plea._

_He finally halted his actions, pulling his face away from her breast and looking her in the eyes._

_“What’s wrong?”_

_“Can we just slow down?”_

_“Slow down?” he asked slowly, incredulity wrapped tightly around his words._

_Sarah nodded, breathing heavily. Michael’s lustful gaze became less lust filled, and a look that could only be described as dangerous took its place. It took the little breath Sarah had away from her lungs._

_“Is this a game for you?” he asked with quiet anger._

_“What? No, of course not!”_

_“Do you not love me, then?”_

_“You know I love you-“_

_“We’ve been dating for months, and every time I try to show you_ _that I love you, you hold back. I’m trying to be patient, but you make it so fucking hard. Do you not love me? Or are you punishing me_ _, because you’re still angry over the party?”_

_“I’m just not ready yet_ _, Michael_ _,” she explained weakly, guilt seeping into her system._

_“Bullshit. You just don’t see a future for us. Are you just stringing me along until you meet someone else? Is that it? God, you must think I’m an idiot.”_

_“No, that’s not it at all!”_

_“Then prove it. Stop holding back!”_

_Their eyes were locked on each other, her glassy green eyes gazing pitifully into his hazel brown eyes_ _, w_ _hi_ _ch didn’t relent in their anger. Sarah couldn’t quite wrap her head around the situation she found herself_ _in. This was a different side to Michael, one that she didn’t like. It was too close to the one she had seen at the party, and it brought back memories she had tried to push away. His lips were on her skin again, this time kissing the skin behind her ear._

_“I just wanna show you how much I love you…I wanna make you feel good,” he whispered, before his tongue licked the shell of her ear, “But if want me to leave, I will. I guess it just means we weren’t meant to be.”_

_The words broke her heart. She didn’t want to lose him – the thought of never seeing him again made the tears fall down her face, as was the knowledge that if she said no, he would walk away. There was a little voice in the back of her mind that told her that he wouldn’t pressure her if he loved her. It wasn’t enough to drown out the panic of losing him, of never seeing him again_ _, and living with regret that she had lost him because she wasn’t ready. Was it really an issue worth losing him over?_

_“Don’t go_ _!” she swallowed the lump in her throat._

_“You sure?”_

_She nodded, afraid_ _that she would break down if she had to speak again. In seconds_ _, he was kneeling on the bed, pulling her up onto her knees_ _so he could remove her dress. His eyes took in her underwear clad body shamelessly, a shaky breath leaving his lips before he unclasped her bra and left her in nothing but her panties. Sarah held back the tears of shame, waiting for him to tell her_ _that he was disgusted with what he saw. He didn’t utter a word to alleviate her worries. His mouth was on her breast again, his arm wrapping around her waist and pulling her body flush against him. Sarah focused on the physical feeling of his hot mouth on her, and how warm he was_ _, and how good he smelt. She didn’t want to think about how unready and unprepared she was for this. H_ _is fingers caressed her stomach before slipping past her panties_ _, and slowly rubbing at her core. His touch was gentle, slowly coaxing her doubts and fears away and bringing a never felt before pleasure to tingle all over her body. She moaned when she felt her muscles begin to tighten, coiling in a strange mix of pain and pleasure. He brought her to a climax that spent all her energy_ _, and left her in a haze_ _, while he got rid of his clothes and laid her down on her back. His lips were on hers again, her body so utterly relaxed_ _that it was impossible to think about anything – she could only feel his skin on hers, and how good it felt._

_She hadn’t realised_ _that his hands were busy rolling on a condom while he paid attention to her neck. The full reality of what was about to happen didn’t hit her until_ _he parted her legs so he could lie in between them. She felt the head of his erection line up to her entrance, and her previous panic came back in a heartbeat. A panicked breath was the only sound she could make before he entered her._

_It was more painful than she imagined it would be. He was big, and her muscles clamped up to avoid the intrusion._

_“Relax_ _, baby_ _! Relax_ _, and it won’t hurt so much_ _,” Michael whispered in her ear, his voice trying to soothe her._

_It didn’t work. Every time he moved_ _, it would bring more pain, and it took all her willpower not to cry. The ten minutes stretched out for an eternity, and when he finally released and rolled off_ _of her, the relief was instantaneous. She was left with a dull ache between her legs_ _, which was nothing compared to the pain of him being inside her. She fell asleep wrapped in his arms, listening to his declarations of love and affection_ _, and hoped that next time it would be better._


	11. Chapter 11

Sarah had scrapped a decent meal together with the food Gerard had picked up. It was obvious that he wasn’t much of a cook – most of the food was convenience, processed and packaged stuff that probably had very little in the way of nutritional value. Thankfully he had purchased some frozen vegetables, which made Sarah feel slightly better. She boiled the vegetables, stuck on some rice and fried some chicken, then searched the cupboard for anything that might be useful in making up a sauce to make the meal less dry and bland. There was a can of condensed soup, which Sarah decided would do. It wasn’t the best meal she had ever made in her life, but she had to make do with what was available. If she had realised that Gerard would be so hopeless at buying decent food, she would have followed him into the supermarket. She wondered if she would be able to convince him to go back anytime soon, though, she highly doubted it, given his general attitude towards her even speaking, never mind actually asking for something. He was much like Michael in that way. Michael hated being asked questions, whether it was personal or a request for something. Both were likely to be met with a slap to the face.

She dished the meal out, smiling when Bilbo whined at the realisation that there was none for him. She would have felt guilty if she hadn’t seen that he had already been fed not even an hour ago. The look he gave her, though, coupled with his heartbreaking cries, would have suggested otherwise. He sat on his hind legs by her side, obviously counting on persistence being the key to getting more food. She almost relented when Gerard came into the kitchen, catching her about to scrape some food into his bowl.

“Don’t,” he snapped, “Don’t overfeed him. You’ll get him into a bad habit.”

“It’s only a bit of rice and chicken.”

“I don’t care. He gets fed in the morning, and in the evening. That’s it.”

Sarah rolled her eyes, turning her back on Gerard to fetch herself a bottle of water. She could feel his heated glare on her back, which she was pointedly ignoring. She wasn’t going to let him intimidate her, especially not over something as silly as giving his dog a bit of extra food. She wondered how the poor dog didn’t fall into depression, living with such a cold, irritable man. No wonder Bilbo was sticking to her side rather than Gerard’s. She uncapped her bottle, taking a sip. She nearly spat the liquid out when she heard a muttered ‘thank you’ from Gerard, albeit laced with a little resentment. She wondered how long it had been since Gerard had a cooked meal that didn’t come from a container. She doubted it had been anytime in the not so distant past.

“You’re welcome,” she told him breezily, tucking into her own plate with vigour.

She hadn’t eaten since breakfast, and it wasn’t until she had started cooking that she registered how hungry she was. She rarely recognised the feeling anymore. Between Michael’s frequent beatings, which left her unable to eat,and spending days locked in a basement, she had learned to ignore her stomach’s grumbling pleas for food, and it no longer cramped when she went too long without food. She often forgot to eat, even now – if it wasn’t for Charlotte, she wondered if she would just wither away from the lack of proper food. Charlotte kept her human, and sane. If she didn’t have Charlotte, she would have ended her life a long time ago. The scars that riddled her body were the physical reminders of the mental agony she had gone through, and the sight of them when she got dressed every day brought the pain back. She never looked in the mirror, unless she was fully dressed. Charlotte had questioned her over them, and Sarah knew that there would come a day when ‘I’ll tell you another time’ wouldn’t work anymore. She hated the thought of revealing the truth to Charlotte – no parent wanted to tell their child such an awful truth about half their parentage. Sarah wished that she could hide the truth forever, shield her from the pain the knowledge would taint her with, but Sarah knew the truth would be revealed one way or another, and ultimately it would be better coming from her than from a secondhand source that would distort the truth.

Gerard’s chair scraping against the floor brought her out of her reverie. She watched him drop his plate in the sink, not even rinsing the plate before he grabbed another beer from the fridge.

“Oh, I’m expected to clean up then?”

Gerard’s straightened his back instantly, facing her swiftly with an eerily calm face. Sarah could tell that she had really struck a nerve. His eye was twitching, and though his expression was otherwise calm, there was a blaze behind his eyes that betrayed exactly how he was feeling. She felt a strange sense of victory every time she knew she got to him.

“You made the mess.”

He slammed the fridge door with vehemence, more than likely wishing he was taking his anger out on her instead. He stared her down for a minute, though it felt like an hour, both of them determined not to break the battle of wills between the two of them. The tense atmosphere between them reached its peak, and it was wound so tightly that anything was likely to set it off. It was Bilbo’s whining that cut through their intense show down, and the yelp he let out drew both of their attention to the animal who was becoming increasingly distressed by the ill-feeling that engulfed the kitchen. Sarah let out a sigh, mentally shaking her head to calm herself down. She shouldn’t let herself get riled up so easily. She hated that Gerard was able to provoke her with the simplest of actions; most of them were probably not even deliberate. He got under her skin, raising her defences without even trying. Everything about him, from the way he talked, to the way he walked, even the way he breathed, grated on her nerves.

She kept her mouth shut, deciding that she should be the bigger person and just let it go. It wasn’t going to help their situation if she rose to the bait every time – it was tough enough for them to get along as it was, and she wasn’t going to give him more cause to be an asshole. She cleaned up the dishes, leaving Gerard to do whatever the hell he wanted to do. She just hoped they wouldn’t be stuck in the cabin for too long.

Gerard went through his bag, finding his gun and the ammunition he had brought with him. He had brought a spare gun along too, deciding it was better to be cautious. His jaw was still set too tightly, his teeth grinding in frustration at the women downstairs. He was bitterly regretting doing this. She was goading him, waiting for him to snap, though for what purpose, he had no idea. He was aware that he was letting her toy with his emotions far too easily. She had a knack for tapping into the worst part of him, something that worried him greatly. He was normally better at containing himself. He never let his job get to him, no matter how many dead bodies he had to search and look at over and over again to find a piece of the puzzle he had missed. Even when a rookie was being thrown at him, making him responsible for training the unfortunate rookie up to standard, he never lost his temper when they messed up standard procedure or asked the most inane, stupid questions he had ever heard. He could count to ten, take deep breaths in, and release his agitation and annoyance out with his exhaled breath. He hated that she was able to get such a strong kneejerk reaction from him without even trying. No other person had ever been able to provoke him with such intensity, and it only fuelled the anger he felt towards her. He needed space away from her, so he avoided trekking back downstairs. He had taken a six pack with him to his room, the one he would occupy as a child when he would spend summers here with his parents and Mikey. It was a lifetime ago, but the memories were as sharp as ever. He didn’t revel in the memories. They only reminded him of what he had lost, and being back in a place that held so many good memories wasn’t good for his head. He had avoided coming back here for a reason, but he knew that Mikey wouldn’t come here. He was so young back then, being four years Gerard’s junior, that Gerard would be surprised if he had any memories of it at all, let alone know what state it was in. He drank himself into a happy medium that night. He was a bit tipsy, but not drunk enough that he wouldn’t be able to function in the morning. Sarah wanted him to teach her how to defend herself, and he would stand by his promise to do so. He hadn’t promised that he would go easy, however, and he smiled when he thought about bringing her down a peg or two.

Sarah slept uneasily that night. She had let Bilbo out to do his thing before she crept into the large bedroom she had dumped her clothes in earlier. She was glad to see the place was well kept over the years. The sheets smelled fresh, and the large bed was fit for a king, or at the very least a big step up from sleeping on a couch. It wasn’t until she had shed her clothes and slipped on a tank top and short shorts that she realised there was no radio to be seen, or a television, to drown out the silence. She let out a sigh, knowing that it was going to be a long night. She wouldn’t sleep, and even if she did manage a few minutes of rest, the panic attack she would suffer in its wake would pretty much void any benefit it should have given her. She curled up in bed anyway, in the hope that maybe the light from the lamp would be enough.

Gerard was asleep when the familiar sound of scratching pulled him out of his fitful sleep. He blinked twice; his eyes growing accustomed to the darkness while his brain discerned dream from reality. It was a yelp that brought him crashing back to the present. Without thinking, his threw the covers off his boxer-clad body, rushing out of his room within seconds. Even in the shadows, he could see Bilbo’s paw swiping at the door down the bottom of the hall. Bilbo jumped up, clearly in some kind of distress. Gerard felt slightly calmer, seeing that it wasn’t an intruder. He had a feeling that it was another one of Sarah’s panic attacks. Part of him wanted to turn back, go back to bed and forget about it. It wasn’t his problem, and he wasn’t her keeper. He sighed, running a hand through his hair in frustration when he realised that he _couldn’t_ walk away. He was an asshole, but he wasn’t inhuman. His bare feet sounded loud, treading the wooden floor down the hall. He opened the bedroom door without knocking. His eyes burned.The lamp that filled the room with light was brighter than the sun, or it may as well have been, with how it stung his eyeballs. His eyes automatically found the large double bed in the middle of the room, frowning when he saw Sarah on the bed with the covers kicked off, her body twisting and writhing on the bed with pained moans emitting from her mouth. He swallowed when he saw her tank top had risen up, exposing her stomach. The silvery white lines were faded, and yet they stood out clear as day to him. They were dispersed over her lower abdomen, and her left hip, in jagged lines that marred what was otherwise perfect, pale skin. He felt ice cold, seeing the startling reality of what Mikey had inflicted on her on the night that he had stabbed and almost murdered her.

He was taken aback by the sight. He had read her file; he knew the details. She had been stabbed five times in the stomach, almost dying from the blood loss and it was nothing short of a miracle that she hadn’t miscarried her child. He knew that she had been raped that night too, something that had been a regular occurrence for her during their marriage. Knowing, and seeing, were two different things, though. Seeing the damage Mikey had inflicted, having the scars shoved in his face unexpectedly, stunned him. His years of reading graphic files, looking at photos of crimson covered bodies and graphic rape reports had desensitised him to words and pictures. Seeing it in the flesh still affected him, though. Part of him was pleasantly surprised by that fact, and maybe even a little bit grateful that he wasn’t completely hardened by his job. When the shock wore off, he began to recognise another feeling that he wasn’t happy with. His eyes racked over her body, and he felt a stir in the pit of his stomach that he hadn’t felt in what was probably a long time. Her tank top had risen up, exposing her scarred flesh, and the low cut gave him a glimpse of her ample chest. Her shorts were indecently short, barely covering her bottom and showing off her long legs. He let himself admire the sight for a few seconds, unable to tear his eyes away from the sight. Her presence in his life was unwelcomed, but he was a man, and one that appreciated the female form. He got himself together, with a shake of his head, and rushed over to the bed. She wasn’t having a panic attack as he feared, but she was clearly having a nightmare, and an intense one at that. Now that he was in better control of his faculty, he could hear how laboured her breathing was, how distressed it sounded to his ears. Her face was scrunched up in pain, and he felt a pang of sympathy that didn’t sit well on his chest. He sat on the edge of the bed, calling her name in a loud, clear voice. He hoped it would be enough to wake her up and pull her away from her world of pain, but even when he repeated in a louder voice, it didn’t work. He was about to shake her awake when Bilbo jumped on the bed, licking her face. Gerard was about to grab the dog, but after a few seconds he saw Bilbo’s attentions were calming her down, without waking her. He didn’t know how she was sleeping through it, but her breathing slowed down and her tossing and turning had stopped. He watched, fascinated by the sight. She rolled over onto her side, letting out a loud sigh, but otherwise she was calmer. Gerard sat there, waiting for her to start twisting again, but, when Bilbo lay down beside her, cuddling close to her body, he realised that he should leave before she woke up and caught him.

“Bilbo,” he whispered with authority, taking a few steps towards the door. He stopped at the doorframe, looking back to see that Bilbo hadn’t moved a muscle. He frowned, completely surprised that Bilbo ignored him, when he was normally an obedient dog.

“Bilbo,” he whispered louder, an edge of anger to his voice. Bilbo raised his head, looking Gerard dead in the eye before laying his head back down to rest on his paws.

He sighed, recognising defeat when he saw it. He shut the door behind him, trying to erase the image of Sarah sprawled on the bed, her skin on displayed for his eyes only.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay, I got lazy with writing over the last week. Forgive me.
> 
> Feedback is welcomed, as always. Thanks for reading!
> 
> Lyra


	12. Chapter 12

_“You know I love you, don’t you?”_

_The words slipped off Michael’s tongue with an ease that made them all the more sincere. To Sarah’s ears, at least. They were in her bedroom, snuggling after a round of love making. Sarah should have been studying and preparing for her finals that were fast approaching._

_“I know_ _,” she smiled back, forcing her lips to relax._

_“I’m gonna marry you one day_ _,” he pronounced, his thin mouth curving into a sweet smile that made him look more charming and boyish._

_Her heart fluttered in her chest, her stomach doing somersaults that made her want to throw up, but in a good way._

_“How do you know I’ll marry you?” she teased, shifting to roll onto her side so she could face him._

_His face darkened for a second, but it was gone so quickly_ _that Sarah thought she imagined it. He glared at her mockingly, his face a little more serious._

_“I’ll drag you down the aisle_ _, if I have to.”_

_His tone was serious, and it was the playful glint in his eye that made her laugh. She pressed her hand to his bare chest, pushing him without any real strength behind the gesture. He let out a little laugh, the one that always made Sarah grin when she heard it, like the lovesick idiot she was._

_“We’ll see about that.”_

_She was suddenly on her back, Michael hovering over her and her hands pinned above her head with lightening speed that made her head dizzy. His face was blank, void of any discernible expression. Sarah hated that expression – she never knew what he thought when that look took hold, making his features stoic and his eyes darker than normal. It put her on edge, her skin tingling with something_ _akin to fear and a desire to run. She had seen it that night Michael had hit her, and once after that when they were at the movies and some guy had been staring_ _at her ‘slutty’ dress, according to Michael. Her dress had long sleeves and came to her knees, and Sarah had assumed that it was one that Michael would approve of. She had thrown the dress out that night, deciding that keeping it was more trouble than it was worth. She had stopped wearing dresses or skirts_ _, full stop, noticing that Michael seemed to have a particular_ _problem with her showing off her legs, or anything else_ _, for that matter._

_“Nothing can keep you away from me.”_

_A sad expression flickered on Sarah’s face, knowing that it wasn’t quite true. She was finishing college in a matter of weeks, separating the two of them for the summer. She could visit every couple of weeks_ _, if she managed to convince her parents to buy her a car, but that was a long shot._

_“What are you thinking?”_ _He asked, concerned by the sudden change in Sarah’s demeanour._

_“I have to go home for the summer_ _,” she whispered, tears beginning to well up in her eyes, though she stopped them from falling. She knew he hated when she cried._

_Michael fell silent, his gaze appraising._

_“No_ _, you don’t.”_

_“My parents wouldn’t let me stay. The_ _y're pissed at me for missing spring break with them already.”_

_Michael sat up, pulling Sarah into a sitting position so the_ _y were face to face._

_“I got a bit of good new_ _s this morning. I was going to wait until the weekend to tell you, but I suppose now is as good a time as any. I got a phone call from an investment company in Minnesota…_ _They offered me a job. A really good job, actually. They want me to start in June.”_

_Sarah was flabbergasted, completely stunned by the unexpected news._

_“Wow_ _! Michael_ _, that’s…great_ _! I’m happy for you!”_

_Her tone made it obvious that she was lying. It was one of  those ‘I’m so happy for you_ _, but you just told me something that’s shredded my heart into  a million and one pieces_ _, so I’m not really happy’ kind of tones that was used in TV shows, when a character was pretending to be happy when the person they love starts dating someone else. She was completely devastated, and a little betrayed_ _, that only a minute ago he was telling her he wanted to marry her, and now he was moving away_ _, and leaving her behind. Sure, she was going to be moving back home, but that was only temporary…_ _This was different. This was a permanent move, one that would leave them separated for more than a couple of months. It would be at least a year before they would be reunited, more than likely it would be more_ _, depending on where Sarah did her postgraduate degree. She felt like she had been punched in the stomach, the earlier good kind of nausea turning into a different kind of sick feeling altogether._

_“I want you to come with me.”_

_It wasn’t a request. It sounded like a demand, like there was no choice in the matter. He made it sound simple, as though Sarah wouldn’t have to leave college, or have to tell her parents she was moving across country with a boyfriend they knew nothing about. The request sounded logical, a no brainer with no consequences._

_“I can’t. You know I can’t.”_

_“Why not?”_

_“I have college, Michael. There’s no way my parents will pay for me to go to another college, even if I managed to transfer on time.”_

_“You don’t need college, Sarah. I’ll be earning enough money for the two of us. We could get married, get a house. Raise a family together_ _, eventually. Don’t you want that?”_

_Her head was swimming, panic and uncertainty toppling her with the suddenness of the conversation that was taking place. Things had been going slowly between the two of them, and it was only a month ago that they had consummated their relationship. It hadn’t been a pleasant experience for Sarah; she had been unprepared for it, and it had been far from comfortable. It had gotten better since then_ _; far better, in fact. She enjoyed their intimate times together, and the unpleasantness of her first time was all but forgotten_ _, though the pastime was still pretty new to her_ _, and their relationship. Now that they had reached a new point of intimacy, it seemed like things were moving quickly. Too quickly for Sarah’s comfort. It was one thing for Michael to joke about getting married, it was another to ask her to move across the country and build a new life with him, away from everything and everyone she knew. He wanted_ _her to give up college, something that_ _she had worked so hard at_ _, and had planned on continuing for the next few years._

_“Of course I want that_ _, Michael, but don’t you think it’s all…a bit sudden? My parents have paid for me to get a good education; it’d be a slap in the face to suddenly quit.”_

_“So you’d rather leave me then? Is a piece of paper from university more important than me?”_

_“No_ _,” she murmured, her green eyes focusing on her bed_ _, instead of Michael’s disappointed face, w_ _hi_ _ch stared at her with hurt._

_“Then come with me_ _! I don’t want to do it without you, Sarah. I love you, and I want us to have a future together. You’re the most important person in my life, and I thought you felt the same way about me.”_

_“I do.”_

_“Then say_ _'yes_ _',” he whispered, clasping one of her small hands in his own, using his other hand to cup her chin and hold her gaze with determination._

_“Nothing else matters but us, Sarah. I want to give you everything, if you let me. Will you let me?”_

_He was smiling, that sweet smile that made her heart spasm. She couldn’t say no_ _, not when he was looking at her with such affection and love. What was a_ _n education if she had no one to share her life with? Her parents would be mad, but surely they’d understand. It wasn’t like he was just a random guy – he was the love of her life, and he wanted to marry her. He wanted to build a life with her,_ _and they would see that._

_“I’ll go with you.”_

_He pulled her lips to his, happiness radiating off him in waves, infecting Sarah and evaporating her doubts._

_“I’ll take care of you, baby. From now on, it’s just me and you, forever and always.”_

_“Forever and always_ _,” she grinned, pushing her fears to the back of her mind._

_Michael was her future, what her heart desired more than anything else. Nothing else mattered once they were together, and now their future was sealed with a kiss._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you guys enjoyed. Feedback is always welcomed! 
> 
> Lyra 


	13. Chapter 13

Sarah woke up the next morning, dazed, disorientated and confused as hell as to how Bilbo had gotten into her room, when she was positive that she had shut the door when she went to bed. Bilbo was lying on his front beside her, his nose level with her shoulder, his big brown eyes meeting hers when she looked at him, and she didn’t even try to hide the smile that took a hold of her lips when his tail started wagging, shortly followed by him standing up on all fours, his face hovering over hers, and his wet tongue finding her cheek, nose, eyes, and every other part his tongue could reach. She giggled, pushing him away with a gentle shove, which didn’t stop him for a second. She gave a harder push, which again, didn’t work. He was a big dog, and if she didn’t know he was such a sweetheart, she would probably be a bit more wary of a dog that was stronger than her. She sat up, putting all her strength into moving him off the bed. He gave a little sneeze of displeasure, and then jumped off the bed. Her feet quickly found the floor, and with a glance at the alarm clock on the bedside locker, she saw it was a little after six. She groaned, her back muscles tightening, before she stretched her arms up, a sigh of exertion exhaling deep from her lungs. She then stretched her legs out, wiggling her toes. Bilbo took the opportunity to lick her feet, making Sarah squeak in alarm and stand up sharply. Bilbo almost looked apologetic, but he wasn’t too cut up about it when he turned his back on her and trotted to the door, a silent command for Sarah to let him out so he could get fed.

Sarah’s eyes narrowed in confusion. The door was shut, something she highly doubted Bilbo could have done. She swallowed, putting two and two together with a sinking realisation that Gerard must have come into her room at some point during the night, when she was asleep and defenceless. Shit. Was he watching her sleep? Did she do something embarrassing in her sleep, like scream or shout? Cold sweat broke out over her pale skin, her temperature going down a few degrees with discomfort and unease. She wished there was a key for the door, or a lock, or something that would ensure that nobody could come in when she was asleep. She didn’t like the idea that Gerard had such easy access to her when she wasn’t awake and able to control the situation. She didn’t think he would hurt her, but she knew trusting him to the point of not being prepared for him to prove otherwise was foolish. She took a deep breath, getting a grip of herself and pushing the paranoia to the back of her mind. She took determined steps to open the door, sighing when Bilbo darted out like a bullet from a gun and raced downstairs, full of canine excitement for what the day was going to bring. She traced his path down the stairs at a much slower pace.

She wasn’t surprised to see a dressed Gerard in the kitchen, a bowl of cereal in his hands, and a cup of streaming hot liquid (she guessed coffee) on the table in front of him. His looked up for all of two seconds before he gave her a disinterested once over and went back to his cereal. He didn’t utter a word, give a grunt of acknowledgment or any kind of friendly greeting.

“Good morning to you too, sunshine,” she mocked cheerfully.

He still didn’t say anything. Bilbo was sitting to Gerard’s right, sitting on his hind legs and staring at the man with a beseeching look. Gerard ignored him, and Sarah rolled her eyes.

“Should I feed Bilbo?”

This got Gerard’s attention. He looked up, glared at her with all his might that would have scared any normal, sane person. Sarah almost shrank back a bit, and would have, if she wasn’t so determined to not show any fear.

“I’ll feed him when I’m finished eating. He’s hardly starved, Sarah, in spite of what you think.”

She didn’t waver from his gaze, as much as she wanted to. He stared her down for what felt like an hour, before he picked up his spoon of _Fruit_ _Loops_ _,_ and took a vicious bite. Sarah made herself busy with filling up a bowl of the multi-coloured breakfast goodness for herself, taking deep breaths to calm down, and push the lingering apprehension away. She didn’t take a seat at the table – she had no desire to get any closer to Gerard. She leaned against the breakfast bar, munching on her modest bowl, and sipping on a small cup of caffeine that would hopefully get rid of the remaining tiredness that seemed permanently attached to the marrow of her bones. It never left – it was a combination of lousy sleeping abilities and being a parent. Her eyes were tracing the pattern of the wooden floor, counting how many panels of wood covered the floor, when Gerard’s chair was pushed back with an obnoxiously loud screech. Her eyes immediately sought the origin of the disturbance, and she held back a smile when she saw Gerard stand up, then pat the top of Bilbo’s head with affection and grab his cereal bowl. She tried not to scowl when he left the bowl and spoon in the sink, not even rinsing the ceramic and metal, before he pulled out a tin of dog food for Bilbo. Bilbo ran to his bowl, his tail wagging with what Sarah imagined was delirious anticipation. Gerard picked up the bowl, resting it on the counter, while he spooned the jellied meat into the bowl. Bilbo followed, not letting his bowl out of his sight. He stood up on his hind legs, his paws on the counter, and his nose poked at the bowl, moving it a fraction of a centimetre. Surprisingly, Gerard didn’t reproach the dog.  The second Gerard put the bowl back on the floor, Bilbo attacked it ferociously. Sarah watched, fascinated with just how fast the canine was gulping down the large serving. She wasn’t aware that her jaw had dropped, stunned by Bilbo’s appetite.

“So, there’s not much to do around here, but there’s a lake about a mile down the dirt road.”

Gerard didn’t know what it was that made him say it. Scratch that, he knew exactly why he'd said it. Since the previous night, he’d been unable to get the image of Sarah out of his mind. Waking up in the morning, hard as a rock, didn’t help either. He was wound up tightly, pissed off at the universe, and he just wanted to get Sarah as far away from him as possible.

“Thanks.Maybe I’ll go down later.”

Gerard knew it would be suspicious if he pushed it further, so instead he waited for Bilbo to finish wolfing down his food, and led him outside. He watched Bilbo running around the on the grass, going round and round in circles, running so fast, he was almost a blur to Gerard. Gerard made a little game of trying to keep his eyes trained on Bilbo as the four legged beast flew around the garden at a speed that was dizzying to watch. Gerard found his mind drifting away from the task, his subconscious bringing the imprinted image of Sarah’s body to the forefront of his mind, again. It hadn’t been enough to dream of her when he wasn’t in control of his mind, and what fantasies it indulged in; now, his brain was trying to force the thoughts of her, prodding and poking to the point of near distraction. He couldn’t even focus on Bilbo – he was still thinking about her, in the tight tank top and blue shorts. He knew it was nothing more than pent up sexual frustration; it couldn’t be more than that. Yes, she was pretty, but really, she had nothing more going for her than that. If he had gotten laid within the past two weeks, it wouldn’t even be an issue. No, he had made himself a hermit since the news of Mikey’s escape, and now he bitterly regretted it. If he had known Sarah was going to come charging into his life, he would have acted differently.

“Uh, Gerard?”

He squeezed his eyes shut, held in a sigh and waited for Sarah to say whatever it was she had come outside to say. He didn’t turn to look her at – he wouldn’t, as long as she was still in the tank top and shorts.

“I was just wondering…should we do some training or something? Maybe you can show me how to use one of your guns?”

That got Gerard’s attention. His head turned sharply, looking at her over his shoulder.

“I really don’t think that’s necessary. We’re safe out here, and I really don’t wanna waste the ammo. Just relax.Enjoy the lake.”

“If you think we’re so safe, you wouldn’t have brought your guns.”

He chuckled, thinking it was almost cute that she thought she outwitted him.

“I’m a cop, sugar. I carry my gun everywhere. It’s a force of habit, not an indication of impending danger.”

She sighed, clearly a little frustrated.

“I’d just feel better if I had an idea of how to use one.”

“Then use a shooting range when you get back home.”

There was a pause in conversation. Sarah had a contemplative look on her face, her head tilted to the right a little in interest.

“I can’t believe you wanna miss the opportunity to tell me how shit I am at shooting. I thought that would be right up your alley.”

Gerard stared at her, taking in the twisted, derisive smirk that touched her lips. He thought about it – everybody screws up the first time they pick up a gun. They underestimate the impact from when the bullet is fired; they don’t realise just how _loud_ the sound is; they certainly don’t realise just how heavy the gun is, and how your arm aches if you aim for too long. Balance and co-ordination aren’t taken into account. All in all, it can make for some entertainment to see a rookie land on their ass.

“Fine. Go take a shower, and get dressed. Meet me back here when you’re done.”

With that, Sarah was dismissed. She held in a smile of triumph, afraid that Gerard might change his temperamental mind, if she looked too smug about actually getting him to do something somewhat nice. She took a quick shower, and tied her damp hair into a ponytail to dry naturally to savetime. The past few days had felt surreal, and she was eager to feel the weight of a gun in her hands, to make it seem real. She needed to know what she was capable of, what she could handle, and how much stamina she needed to pull her plan off.  She grimaced at her lack of clean, suitable clothing. She reminded herself to ask Gerard to take her into town, so she could have more than two changes of clothes.  She bounded down the stairs with near excitement, adrenaline starting to kick in at the thought of actually holding a gun in her hands. Would it feel powerful to wield such a weapon? Would it make her heart race from the adrenaline overload? Would she be able to pull the trigger, even if it wasn’t aimed at a living person? She really hoped that she wouldn’t screw up, not in front of Gerard. She was more than a little sure that he wouldn’t let her forget it if she did.

Gerard was still outside when she came back, only now he had a gun in his hands, a pistol of some kind, and he was checking the magazine of bullets with a keen eye. There was a tin perched on top of two cardboard boxes set up, which looked unsteady. If a gust of wind were to blow, the boxes would topple down.

“Took your time,” Gerard didn’t even look up from the gun when he spoke.

“Not all of us have your lack of attention to hygiene. You really need to take a shower, by the way.”

Gerard glared at her, flushing a little with either embarrassment or anger, or maybe a bit of both. Sarah didn’t care, either way – she was just glad she had gotten to him. She then remembered that he _was_ doing her favour, and if she wanted him to drive her anywhere, or let her use his car, commentary on his personal hygiene was not the way to go about it.

“Right,” he decided to ignore her jibe, “have you ever held a gun before?”

Sarah shook her head, feeling a little embarrassed. She didn’t know why, but it made her feel a little naïve and out of her depths, now that she was right in front of Gerard, who was so at ease with his weapon, no fear at all to be seen in his eyes. He twirled the gun with a flip of a finger, so that the grip of the gun was now facing her. He proffered the gun, his face a picture of calm, while Sarah suddenly felt a thrill of anxiety pulse through her.

“We don’t have to do this-“ he started, but Sarah took the gun from him with shaking hands, and he stopped.

“First of all, you’re holding it all wrong.” He corrected her grip, his long fingers barely touching her.

“Okay, better. Now, aim at the tin, and shoot.”

“Like, now?”

“No, next week,” he replied dryly.

He called Bilbo, who had been sniffing around the boxes with interest, to his side with a loud bellow. Sarah waited until Bilbo was safely by Gerard’s legs. The gun was heavier than she'd anticipated, so she used her two hands to grip the gun and take aim. Her arms were shaking a little, and she forced a deep breath into her lungs before she pulled the trigger. The force of it made her stagger, and if Gerard hadn’t caught her, she would have fallen on her ass. The bullet went wide, veering to the right of the tin. Her eyes were ringing, her pulse was racing, and a thin sheen of sweat was quickly coating her skin in shock.

“That sucked,” Gerard remarked dryly, before tracking the bullet on the grass. It went wider off the mark than Sarah'd thought, and she felt disappointed in herself.

“First thing you did wrong, was your stance. You didn’t have the right centre of gravity to handle the impact when firing. Your aim was way off. You need to aim a little more to the left of your target. Also, I should point out that you never even checked the safety before you fired.”

Sarah sighed.

“You loved every word of that, didn’t you?”

Gerard smiled. An actual smile tugged his lips, stunning Sarah. He was actually almost cute when he smiled, and Sarah blushed at the thought.

“Better believe it, sugar. Okay, we’ll try it again. Maybe this time, you won’t suck so much.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the wait guys! It wasn't deliberate!
> 
> Remember, thoughts and feedback is awesome and make me feel loved!
> 
> Lyra xxx


	14. Chapter 14

_“Absolutely not. We’re not going to allow this_ _, Sarah. You have no idea of the consequences of what you want to do.”_

_Sarah’s father wasn’t normally a scary man. He wasn’t particularly tall, standing at five foot ten, and his build wasn’t stocky or muscular. He was quite thin, due to the care he took when it came to his diet. He was dressed down in a short sleeved shirt_ _,_ _which was open at the neck, a pair of slacks and a pair of runners. He was far from terrifying, and Sarah had never had any cause to fear her father. She had grown up in a loving home, and other than the fact that her parents had high expectations of her academically, they had always been good to her_ _, and they rarely fought. Right then, sitting on the couch in the house she shared with her college friends, with both her parents breathing heavily and angry as hell at her_ _, as they sat on the two seater couch, she was beyond petrified._

_She had called them the night before, informing them that she was moving with Michael to Minnesota. She was giving up college, and everything she had worked for, to move away with a ‘boy they’d never met’. There had been shouting, and tears, and accusations thrown around during that phone call. It had been one of the hardest things Sarah had_ _had to do, and Michael had been by her side as she made the call. He had rubbed her back and kept her calm, and wiped her tears away._

_“Don’t be sad. If they don’t understand, it’s their problem, not ours. We know what’s best for us. Nothing else matters_ _, as long as we’re together. We can get through anything_ _, as long as we’re together.”_

_His words had lulled her into a fitful sleep that night, where she dreamt of her parents_ _' faces, looking at her with disappointment and anger. She dreamt about them not speaking to her again, and never seeing them again. Her plan had been to call them in a couple of days_ _, when they_ _'d calmed down, and try to make them see sense. Michael had stayed with her that night, and left her early in the morning_ _, with a sweet kiss_ _, and a promise that he would see her later. She hadn’t expected her parents to get on the first flight out_ _, and show up at her door at 11 am, their faces set harder than stone as they barged their way into the house_ _, and forced a face-to-face confrontation she wasn’t prepared for._

_Her father told her she was throwing her future away. Sarah tried to explain that without Michael, she didn’t have a future. Her mother told her that she was too young to fully know what love was – what she was feeling was infatuation, and it wasn’t something that was worth giving up her life for, not when it was only the difference of a year. Sarah pointed out that she was twenty, not sixteen, and was fully capable of understanding her own emotions._

_“You realise you can’t actually stop me, right? I’m twenty years old – if I want to move to Minnesota, I can!”_

_Looking back, Sarah could see just how immature her reaction that day had been. She would later imagine herself in her mother’s position, and Charlotte standing in front of her, all grown up but completely clueless about the reality of life_ _, and the hardships of being an adult, and completely immature and inexperienced. She could imagine the pain her parents went through in that moment, knowing their daughter was about to make the biggest mistake of her life_ _, and failing to prevent it from happening._

_“Sarah, just listen to what I have to say for a minute_ _! You say_ _that he loves you. Well, if that’s true,_ _then he would want what’s best for you_ _, by default. That’s what love is; it’s about wanting the person you care about to be happy, even if it means them having to do something you can’t be a part of. You have one year left, Sarah. One year. In the grand scheme of things, it’s not a lot. Why can’t he wait for you? He could get things sorted for when you finally graduate. You could get a good job then. If you leave school now, you’ll be left with nothing to fall back on. You’ll be stuck in a job_ _that you hate, earning low money. Is that what Michael really wants for you?”_ _Her mother sounded desperate and pained, and in the years to come_ _, it would haunt Sarah in the dead of night in her dreams._

_“He wants us to be together, just like I do. He has a good job, I don’t need to earn a lot of money. I need to be with him. I can always go back later. I’m technically deferring the year_ _._ _It’s not like I can’t finish later_ _, if it comes to it. Why can’t you just support me?”_ _Sarah countered, her mother’s words unable to permeate her stubbornness._

_“Because we can see what you can’t, Sarah. The Sarah we raised would **never** choose to give up college for a guy she’s known for a few months. Yes, maybe it is ‘true love’, but true love waits_ _, and gets over all kinds of obstacles. You have to ask yourself why he doesn’t want you to do the best thing for you, and have a good degree to fall back on_ _, should you need it.”_

_“Because I trust him enough to know I don’t need it right now. This is just something I need to do.”_

_Sarah felt bad for her housemates, who were hiding in their respective rooms while the heated exchange of opinion was taking place in the common space living room. The place was actually clean for once, since it was only a matter of days before they all left for the summer break. All three of them were breathing heavily, the tension crackling in the air. Sarah couldn’t look them in the eyes, could barely even focus on their faces. Sarah had never defied her parents before, or even so much as contradicted them. She had always been a good child; she did what she was told, when she was told. She never snuck out, or let her grades slip. She never had her parents look at her with such anger, such bitterness, such disappointment. It cut her deep, unnaturally sharp and painful. Her chest hurt, her skin was prickling and her eyes stung._

_“We can’t support you in this_ _, Sarah,” her father broke the silence that had filled the room when they had all said their piece_ _.“We won’t. You’re making a mistake, and we can’t stand by and let it happen. You either come home with us now, or you go with Michael to Minnesota and live in whatever juvenile fantasy life you think you two will live. If you choose him, that’s it. We won’t be there when things go sour. We won’t be supporting you when you realise the mistake you’ve made, and believe me, you **will** see it, and soon. You’re young, and you think nothing bad will come your way. Bills mean nothing to you_ _._ _Being an adult_ _, and taking on responsibility is an abstract concept to you_ _, but it won’t always be that way. Real life will set in, and when it does, it’s gonna be hard. The lust fades fast, and the excitement goes when reality kicks in, and believe me, it will. Sooner than you expect. And when it does, we won’t be there to pick up the pieces. You say you need to do this, then you can do this without us. You’ve led a privileged life_ _, Sarah, with no hardships. You’ve had everything handed to you, and all we asked is that you did your best. We wanted you to do well for yourself, so that one day, when the time came, you could support yourself_ _, and live a good, happy life. We did everything we could to steer you on the right course. Maybe we were wrong to hand you everything like that.”_

_“Or maybe you’re wrong to doubt my choices. I have to live my life for myself, and maybe I’m making a mistake, but I have to make them myself. You’re my parents – you’re supposed to be there for me, not giving me ultimatums. I’m your only child, and you’re telling me to choose between you and the man I love. How can you ask me that?”_

_Her father shook his head, and her mother started sobbing silently. Sarah stood up, angry, hurt and confused. She had never seen this side to her parents before, and never in a million years, did she think her parents would effectively disown her._

_“I want you to leave. If you want me out of your lives, then that’s **your** choice. I’m not the one that will live in regret.”_

_“Sarah, think about-“_

_“Get. Out_ _!” she cut her mother off._

_She stormed to the front door, and with a vicious pull, she opened it wide open, gesturing for her parents to leave._

_“We love you, Sarah. We just want what’s best for you_ _,” Her mother whispered, her voice choked with emotion._

_Sarah shut the door, feeling a calm numbness envelope her._

_When Michael came by later, he didn’t show much emotion when Sarah broke down and told him what had transpired._

_“Parent’s aren’t infallible. Sometimes they make the wrong choices. You’re better off without them, Sarah. They don’t know us, and they don’t deserve to be a part of our lives_ _, if they can’t respect our love. One day, we’ll have our own family, and that’s all we’ll need.”_

_Sarah wondered about Michael’s family. She was reluctant to ask the questions that were bubbling under the surface. Would she ever meet them? Where did they live? Did he have any contact with them?_

_“Are your parents like mine?”_

_She felt his anger radiate the second the question left her mouth. His eyes narrowed, his muscles tensed and h_ _e didn’t look pleased. Sarah tensed up, afraid he would get angry._

_“They weren’t the best parents in the world. They’re gone now, so I don’t have to worry about them anymore.”_

_“Michael, I’m sorry_ _. I didn’t know.”_

_“Of course you didn’t. I don’t like to talk about it very much.”_

_“Of course.”_

_Sarah wrapped her arms around him, feeling guilty that  she had brought it up. She was distracted from the pain she felt over her own parents._

_“That’s why I can’t lose you, Sarah. I know things are moving fast_ _, but…I can’t go through being alone again.”_

_“You won’t be. Like you said, it’s me and you, from now on_ _,” she promised, tightening her hug_ _, and certain that she had made the right choice._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So so sorry for the delay in updating. I'm going to be starting a new job soon, I begin in September in fact. I'm hoping that once I'm back in a routine, that my updates my be more regular. It may not happen, but having restricted time to write will hopefully force me to write in the evenings. 
> 
> So, any thoughts or comments on this chapter? I always love to hear them, they make me wanna write!
> 
> Lyra xxx


	15. Chapter 15

 Sarah was sore and aching by the time Gerard had decided to give up on her for the day. She wished she could say that her aim had improved by the end of the hour, but it felt like she was worse off by the end of it. The sun was beating down on them with a vengeance, making her uncomfortable in her own skin as the sweat poured down her overheated skin. Gerard was flushed in the face, but otherwise seemed unaffected by the heat. He didn’t give Sarah a chance to take a break once they got started.

“You have no concept of spatial awareness, or how to judge distance. Are you sure you don’t need glasses?” Gerard asked, his tone genuine when he asked as he towed his gun away safely away from Sarah’s hands and into his holster.

“There’s nothing wrong with my eyesight,” Sarah ground out between gritted teeth.

“I can honestly say, I’ve never met someone who sucks at shooting as much as you do. I actually wished I was filming you, to show to the new recruits how _not_ to shoot.” Gerard laughed.

“You’re a dick,” Sarah spat, her patience wearing thin at Gerard’s juvenile behaviour.

Gerard just smiled, his teeth showing in all their white glory, mocking Sarah’s anger.

“Sugar, you asked for it. I’m not saying nothing that ain’t true. Maybe you should go back home, if you can’t handle it.”

It was a combination of things that caused Sarah’s heart to beat frantically, as an unbidden rush of adrenaline kicked into her system. It wasn’t just the words themselves, heard often over the years when Michael needed to remind her of just how alone she was,  that made her swear she had stepped back into her past; it was the derision behind them, the New Jersey drawl that clung to every syllable. The way Gerard stood behind her, looking down on her, with scorn in his eyes. It was the familiar feeling of humiliation, of feeling like she was worthless, and incapable of doing anything right.

She tried to take control of her breathing. She closed her eyes and told herself that it was nothing but her mind making her feel the fear that coursed through her veins. She swallowed, took in a gasping breath, in a refusal to let the panic win. She couldn’t let it keep winning – she couldn’t let every reminder of the past reduce her to a blubbering mess on the ground.

Her lungs didn’t want to listen to her, though. They were still taking in too much oxygen at the behest of her irrational brain, which wanted her to believe she wasn’t breathing enough. Everything around her was drowned out as she hunched over, not ready to give up the fight against the part of her brain that was going in flight mode, debilitating her.

She heard a mumbled “Are you shitting me?”, before she felt a hand on her back.

“Sarah, you’re okay. You’re safe.Nothing is going to hurt you.”

The words were heard, and somewhat comforting, but there was no immediate effect. Sarah bit her lip, hoping the pain would bring her back, and force her to focus on something other than the fear.

The hand on her back was rubbing soothing circles, and it provided Sarah with enough of a distraction for her to not completely lose herself to the panic that wanted to take over. Sarah counted to ten in her mind, then twenty, and continued on until she reached seventy five. Her breathing had evened out, her mind felt clearer, and her body was trembling in an unpleasant way. Gerard’s hand didn’t leave her lower back – he had kept a steady, warming pace to his shockingly comforting touch.

It struck Sarah that it was the most contact she had had with a man since Michael had last touched her. Even if Sarah didn’t have to hide behind a new identity, and didn’t have a crippling anxiety issue that appeared during stressful situations, she still had no interest in the opposite sex, or any sex, for that matter. Michael had killed off any desire to be with anyone. It was her need for Michael that had led her into the nightmare that had once been her existence, and now that she had another person to look after and consider, she had no intention of ever letting herself fall into the same trap again. If she were fool enough to fall so completely for someone once, there was no reason why it couldn’t happen again. So, Sarah distanced herself from any situation that could lend her the opportunity to do something so irrational again. Sure, she worked, but she worked in a female dominated office, and had limited contact with others for the majority of her working day.

“Are you okay now?”

Gerard’s voice sounded clear in the silence of their surroundings. Bilbo had trotted over to stand beside Sarah’s crouched form, but he watched the scene, rather than intervene, as he had done on previous occasions. Gerard mused that Bilbo must have sensed that, for once, Gerard was on top on things.

“Yeah…sorry,” Sarah’s voice was tight and breathless.

“Do you see a shrink for them?”

Gerard couldn’t help his curiosity. In the short time he had been around Sarah, she had more panic attacks then he had ever seen. It made him uncomfortable, and on edge, knowing that it seemingly only took a word or a look to trigger them in her. It was the only thing that explained her sudden attack.

“No. It’s kinda hard to talk to someone when you can’t exactly tell them the truth about who you are.”

“Shame, seems like you could really do with it.”

Sarah straightened up, throwing Gerard’s hand off her with a vicious shove. She turned on him like a viper ready to strike, catching Gerard off guard to his chagrin.

“That’s a bit rich, coming from you.”

Gerard’s spine went rigid, his body ready for the verbal attack that appeared to be heading his way.

“Want does that mean?”

Sarah scoffed.

“Oh please, even you have to see your…dependency issues with alcohol.”

Gerard’s eye twitched dangerously.

“You have no idea what you’re talking about,” he hissed.

Sarah raised a delicate eyebrow, her face full of scorn and mock sympathy that only served to heat Gerard’s anger.

“Right…all those cans you have stocked up in your apartment are just for decoration? What about the beers you brought here? Tell me, what’s the longest you can go without drinking yourself in a stupor to get through the night?”

“Shut your fucking mouth,” Gerard took a threatening step forward, his previous calm, self-controlled exterior breaking, as Sarah hit a nerve that struck too close to the truth for Gerard’s comfort.

Sarah took a step back, a little shocked by how quickly Gerard’s demeanour changed. In less than sixty seconds, he turned one eighty, setting Sarah on edge. She swallowed nervously. She thought about backing down when she saw the blaze in his eyes, the one that told her that she had gone too far this time. She couldn’t, though. Maybe she just wanted to see if she could push him to snap completely. He claimed to be nothing like Michael, and part of her desperately wanted him to prove it. She wanted some kind of proof that Michael was the exception, and not a indicator of every man she was going to come across.

“Or what? You gonna beat me down to keep me quiet?”

“Don’t you fucking dare-“ he cut himself off, nostrils wide with fury, “Let’s get one thing fucking straight. I’m doing you a favour right now. You think I owe you anything? You are _nothing_ to me. Got that? _Nothing._ I don’t give a fucking shit about your issues, or your anger, or your fucking self-entitlement. I _don’t give a shit._ I’m not here for you. What I do in my own time is none of your business. Any thoughts or opinions you may have about my life, you keep to yourself.”

Sarah stood her ground while Gerard loomed over her, a feat that was nothing short of miraculous. It was a testament to her stubborn nature, which had always won out in her younger years. She held her breath, clenched her fists and did her best to not flinch.

“Wow, so much for being nothing like your brother.Tell me, is intimating women just a kink for you, or do you just enjoy being an asshole?”

Gerard stilled, his face a blank canvas, his eyes boring into Sarah’s without blinking. Slowly, he took a step back, and a slow smirk tugged at his lips.

“No, I just don’t tolerate spoilt princesses who think the world owes them something, because life screwed them over. Tell me, do you ever wonder if it was your fault that Mikey snapped? Because, honestly, I wouldn’t be fucking surprised.”

Gerard didn’t wait for Sarah to respond. He turned on his heel and walked away from Sarah, and the source of his frustration. He didn’t lock himself away in his room this time. He grabbed a six pack from the fridge, before he decided to take a walk and see where his feet would take him. He didn’t care where he ended up; he just needed to get away from the woman who was driving him to the brink of his patience.

Sarah was riveted to the spot in the wake of Gerard’s words. They were hurtful, spiteful, completely soul-destroying, and they made Sarah consider the one question that she had never been able to answer.

Had Michael’s actions been her fault?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As stated on my other updates, I apologise for the lack of updating. I've been MIA, due to starting a new job and having to move to the city and other stuff. I'm all settled in my new place though, and I've adjusted to my work schedule, so I plan on going back to regular updates now that I have a routine of sorts.
> 
> Anyway, if you have any thoughts, please let me know. I hope you enjoyed this chapter.
> 
> Lyra xx
> 
> (PS, I have a twitter account- follow me @MCR_Lyra, where you can ask me questions, remind me to update or just say hello)


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, long time no update. I apologise to everyone who was reading this story, or indeed any of my stories. For the last while, I had a serious case of writer's block and I pretty much hated what I wrote when I tried to make myself write. But, last week, I was able to write and actually like what I had written. I hope this continues. To anyone who was reading this before and has come back, thank you for being an amazing reader.

_Sarah was nervous. The butterflies in her stomach wouldn’t let up, creating a nauseous sensation that was far from pleasant. She knew she shouldn’t be so nervous, what they were about to do was only a natural step in the next direction. It was what she wanted._

  
  


_Sarah had always imagined her wedding day as a child. Not in major detail, but she thought about the dress, having her friends and family there to witness the next step in her life. She wanted a ceremony in her parents’ back garden, personal and intimate. She imagined having her father walking her down the aisle, his eyes filled with unshed tears and pride as he gave her away._

  
  


“ _Are you alright?” Michael’s voice was low, bringing her back to the present._

  
  


_They were in the courthouse. She was wearing a white dress, he was in a nice shirt and dress trousers. She could see the shape of the rings in his shirt pocket, their wedding rings that would symbolise their commitment._

  
  


“ _Yeah, just...thinking.”_

  
  


_She knew it was the wrong thing to say when she saw his eyes darken, his little smile faltered and turned into a stern line._

  
  


“ _Having cold feet?”_

  
  


“ _No,” she rushed to placate him, “I was just thinking about…them,” she never used the words parents in front of him._

  
  


_Michael visibly relaxed, the small smile coming back to his handsome face._

  
  


“ _I know this isn’t the kind of day you imagine for a wedding day. If I could make your parents see reason, I would. Who knows, maybe in a few years, if they come to their senses, we can have a ceremony then, the whole works. But, for now, all that matters is that we want to be together, forever. Isn’t that the important thing?”_

  
  


_His words made her feel better, gave her a sense of hope that maybe one day her parents would come around and apologise for the way they had cut her out of their lives so cruelly. She smiled, feeling a surge of love for the man standing in front of her._

  
  


_They had their ups and down. Sometimes, he downright scared her when he got into one of his moods, and on a couple of occasions he had raised his hands to her in anger. That had been her fault, though. She knew he hated it when she challenged him, but she did it anyway. She pushed him to breaking point. He always apologized, though, and bought her flowers after it happened. He promised it wouldn’t happen again, but that she had to try and not push him to his breaking point too. When things were good, though, he was the best in the world. His smile still gave her butterflies. When he hugged her, it was the only place she could ever imagine herself being in. He still left her little post it notes when he left for work in the morning, and always gave her a kiss after she made them dinner, as his way of saying thank you. His hazel eyes still looked at her with love and warmth, when they weren’t angry with her.  The sex was still pretty amazing too._

  
  


_The down moments were surely just growing pains from getting used to living with each other. No one was perfect. She knew he was right to be angry when he came home from a day of work and saw that dinner wasn’t ready yet. She deserved the glare she received and the silent treatment that ensued. She was still learning how to get her timing right. When he found a speck of dust somewhere, and asked ‘What exactly were you doing all day?’, she felt ashamed of herself for not having their house perfect. His standard of cleanliness was more critical than hers. She couldn’t blame him for having a higher sex drive than her, she needed to learn to just let him have his way, if it made him happy. He told her he didn’t want to have to look elsewhere to get his needs met - it was her fault if she couldn’t keep up with him. She had gotten better at letting him be in control of their physical relationship. It made life easier to just let him have what he wanted. It wasn’t as though she didn’t enjoy it when they got into it._

  
  


_She still hadn’t found a decent job yet, but he took care of them financially. He paid all the bills, which ate up most of their money. But he gave her a little allowance every week, nothing much. He didn’t want her to spend money on stupid things, so she just had enough to buy the groceries. All he asked in return was that she kept the house clean and had food ready for him._

  
  


“ _You’re right. It’s us against the world, right?” she smiled, the butterflies calming slightly._

  
  


“ _Exactly. Never forget that. Nobody can keep us apart, and this is just our way of proving it to the world.” his words were comforting, and so full of passion. He believed in what he was saying, she knew that for certain._

  
  


_They were next in line to go into the registrar’s office. Sure, getting married in city hall wasn’t what she imagined, but when they were called to go in next, she felt no doubt in her mind that she had all that she wanted. Michael was a good man, and she was lucky to be able to claim him as her own. He was all she ever needed._

  
  


_Minutes later, they walked out of the office, officially husband and wife._

  
  


“ _I love you,” he declared when they walked outside the building._

  
  


“ _I love you too,” she giggled._

  
  


“ _I was thinking that we should do something special to celebrate.” There was mischief in his eyes._

  
  


“ _Like what?”_

  
  


“ _Well, is there a better way to celebrate the beginning of the rest of our lives together than getting matching tattoos?”_

  
  


_She stalled. She wasn’t anti-tattoos, per se, but she never wanted one herself.  She shuddered at the idea of the pain. But she saw how much he wanted it. His eyes were so hopeful, pleading with her to do it for him._

  
  


“ _Okay, let’s do it.”_

  
  


_He led them to the tattoo parlour, told them what he wanted. It was nothing original, just a matching heart tattoo with ‘M+S’ and the date inside the heart, which they got on their wrists. They held hands as they got it done, smiling through the pain, and let the adrenaline took over._

  
  


_She couldn’t stop staring at the tattoo as they left the parlour, the giddy feeling never fading as they made their way home, and began life as husband and wife._  
  


 


End file.
